Scripture for Adoptive Parents

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:24-26

Waiting Still - Maybe Friday?

We received a call from our agency today and was told that when Yuri arrived at the SDA today, he was informed a letter would be issued on Friday for families waiting for second appointments. At this time, it is unclear whether or not the letter will contain a second appointment date, information about specific children, or just general information about how the process will work. I'll guess we'll just have to wait and see what Friday brings.

Please say specific prayers for families waiting for 2nd appointments. According to the SDA, if we are not shown matching referrals at our next appointment, then our adoption journey comes to end and we will return to America without a child.

"Come back tomorrow," says the SDA.

I couldn't wait any longer, so at 4:10 p.m. I called Kate, our contact at America World. She said that Yuri had contacted her earlier today and informed her that when he arrived at the SDA, he was told to come back tomorrow for a meeting. Yuri stated to Kate that he expects to have some answers to our many questions tomorrow. In the meantime, it's back to waiting - notice I didn't say "patiently waiting" because our patience is truly being tried right now. If we can find out a little more information tomorrow, then that should help sustain us a little bit longer.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some positive news! Thank you for your prayers!

Maybe Some News Today

Well, today Yuri is supposed to be going back to the SDA to inquire about the status of our adoption file. If you have been following our story, you are aware that we were family #91 to be sent home last year without a child. So far, the only other American family that we know of that has been sent home to wait for another appointment is the Hollands, which have turned out to be great friends of ours. They have truly been a blessing because we can relate to each other in a way that no one else can right now. From reading posts on Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption (http://www.frua.org/), apparently there are quite a few Germans who are waiting as well, but we haven't connected with any of them (yet anyway).

We haven't heard anything from our agency or facilitator except that the families who have had their second appointment are very happy with their referrals. Needless to say, we are very frustrated because we have tons of questions about what to expect, what number we are in line, will we will be traveling for a specific child, etc. Hopefully we will receive some news today.

For those of you who are in Ukraine right now or returned home and have had great referrals, we are very excited for you. We hope you realize how fortunate that you are because there are a many of us who feel forgotten and buried in an endless stack of paperwork. We are struggling with how assertive to be because we have experienced the dislike and poor opinion of Americans firsthand. The last thing that we want to do is anger the people who stand between us and our daughter, so there are very fine lines that must be adhered to. At the same time, we do not want to be quiet and just keep waiting without hounding our agency and facilitator. We have heard nothing but good from families (both using our agency and those going independent) about our facilitator, so I don't think he really has much to do with it. The problem with being too pushy is that we may get a bad referral and then it's all over with and we don't get a child and we have lost A LOT of money and are still childless. The SDA officials told us that two referrals is the limit, so what do you do and how hard do you push? In the US, we have totally different attitudes about the laws because they are designed (at least theoretically) to protect and serve us, whereas in Ukraine, people are to serve the laws - at least that is what we observed. One word sums up how we feel right now - FRUSTRATED.

Well, in the meantime, I am trying to do something to keep me busy besides reading blogs (this has proven to be an addiction). We enjoy reading the blogs, but for those of us who feel forgotten, they can also be very frustrating because people are receiving referrals for children on first appointments that those 125 families who are waiting would love to be shown. For those of you who are receiving those referrals, we don't begrudge you your children because in our hearts and minds we know that God has those children picked-out just for you and that it's just not our time yet, however it's not truthful to say that we don't wish that we weren't sharing in the excitement of finding a child. We would love to be able to share a meal with you in Kiev and finally meet you face to face!

Anyway, what am I doing in the meantime - decorating cakes. I'm actually pretty excited about the cake that I made over the weekend, so since I can't post pictures of our little girl, I thought I would post pictures of my cake. This is my first basketweave cake. I made the chicken using the 3-D duck pan. The right side of the head is a little flat at the top, but I still had fun creating it. The cake was made at the request of my parents who attended a Sunday School function on Saturday evening in which a games of dominoes known as "chicken scratch" was played. My dad gave my mom a hard time about trying to steal the show by bringing the cake. This was a definite first for me, so I was excited that my mother was excited about the cake. It thrilled her when it was placed on the table like a centerpiece. I'm just glad the dowel rods held-up and it didn't fall apart during transport!

White Japanese Bantam

Is it Friday yet?

I think this is just going to be a blah week. Will Friday afternoon ever come?

This morning, Jason woke me up to tell me that when he tried to start my car this morning, nothing happened. Of course, he had to get to Nissan and didn't have a lot of time to deal with a dead battery. My dad just retired, so he was able to help me out after a short call this morning. Does a girl ever get too old to dial 1-800-Daddy? Don't get me wrong, Jason is quite capable of taking care of the situation, but he had to get to work and my dad didn't mind jumping me off. It ended-up that a cell was dry, so $98.00 later my Explorer had a new battery and I headed to work.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent some time helping a colleague draft a cry for help to our fellow members of the legal community. Last year, a little baby was born with only a brain stem because her mother chose her drugs over the life of the child growing inside her womb. Even today, the mother is on the street and still choosing drugs over everything else. The rumor is that she may be pregnant again - please, dear Lord, do not allow her to conceive another child while she is still an addict. Anyway, this beautiful little girl's body is lying in an unmarked grave as if her precious little life didn't even matter. Mt. Olivet Funeral home graciously provided the burial services at only a minimal charge which was paid by the Tennessee Department of Children's Services, however the policies of our state do not allow for payment of a grave marker. We are pleading with our colleagues to help with the purchase of a simple marker for this little baby. Please pray that God will pull at the heartstrings of the businessmen and women in our community. This is our plea:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Bar,

Last year a newborn baby girl was immediately taken into State’s custody upon her birth because she was drug exposed and born with an immature brain with no additional features identified (meaning only a brain stem). To look at her physical appearance, she appeared to be developmentally perfect – that is, if you look past all the tubes connected to her tiny body. She lived only six weeks. Her little body is buried at Mt. Olivet Cemetery. Mt. Olivet Funeral Home graciously forgave the funeral expenses except for the minute amount that had to be paid for the opening and closing of the grave and necessary personnel involved in the burial which was paid by the Tennessee Department of Children’s Services. She never lived a playful life that our children enjoy. She never knew the love of parents. She doesn’t even have a grave marker bearing her name…but together we can change that and help to provide at least a little dignity to her life that so abruptly ended.

Please consider donating at least a small amount towards the purchase of a bronze marker for her burial plot. Pursuant to the policy of Tennessee Department of Children’s Services, a grave marker is not an approved item that is payable by the State of Tennessee. Mt. Olivet Funeral Home is willing to provide a marker for a significantly reduced rate, if we can raise at least $1,000.00. This amount will purchase a very simplistic marker that will provide her name, birth date, and date of death. The anniversary of her death is March 25, 2008, therefore it would be very meaningful if the marker could be placed upon her grave on or before that day. Please consider how much you can donate – even the smallest amount is appreciated. What if this was your child or grandchild? Let’s make sure that this little baby is remembered and that her life, however brief, is honored.

In God’s Hands

“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in My name welcomes Me…” Mark 9:37

One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when you wake-up in a very bad mood and can't seem to shake it? Well, that's the way I (Erica) feel today. I can't explain the cause and don't understand it, but the fact is today is one of those days when I'm just having a hard time.

The morning started with the wearing of a new pair of control top panty hose. Ever buy the same size that you always wear but when you put them on, they either come-up to your neck or are so small that they barely come-up to your hips? Well, the only pair I found in my drawer was an off-brand and ended-up being defective and barely came to my waist. To make matters worse, the top was cut in a slant so that one side came to my waist and then the other side was nowhere close to coming to my waist. I felt like a stuffed sausage, but I had to wear something. Now ladies, can any of you relate to this? I was so irritable and knew that I had to stop at Walgreens on my way to the office this morning. It was 8:30 a.m. when I pulled into Walgreens (after practically making Ashton run into his classroom) and ran into the store only to find that they were out of my normal brand and size....arggggggggg. I bought 3 pairs of a variety of types and prayed all the way to the Square that I would find a parking spot because I still had to change hose, grab my files, and make it to the 3rd floor of the courthouse by 9:00 a.m. One pair looked like I had been applying tan-in-a-can, and the other was a thigh high. Ladies, if you have the least little bit of pudge on your leg - don't try the thigh highs because they tend to roll down as the day progresses (definitely NOT a good thing). The third pair was put-on and of course, it was so large that the waistband was tucked underneath undergarments - I think you get the idea. Anyway, thank goodness for my new attorney badge because I didn't have to wait in the security line, so I made it to the courtroom with 5 minutes to spare!

The next 2.5 hours crawled by as I waited for my cases to be heard. Last night, I dreamed about the adoption and of course, woke-up wondering why we hadn't heard anything, so that is probably one source of my foul disposition today. As I sat there and listened to case after case about parents who were choosing drugs, alcohols, and permiscuous activity over their children, I felt my frustration grow. For those of us who have difficulty conceiving or can't safely carry a child to term, it is very frustrating to witness parents who seem to "pop-out" children and then not care a thing about them. When my cases were heard, I left the courtroom and headed away from the office for a breather and got out of my control top hose and heels. Now, if only I can shake this mood before I pick-up Ashton in the next 1.5 hours!

People are constantly asking, "Have you heard anything yet?" We are constantly saying, "Not yet." This is so frustrating. We read many blogs faithfully and are very excited when families "find" their child or children, however I will be honest in saying that it also hurts to know that we are still waiting and have heard practically nothing about our own case. For those of you who are in Ukraine now or have just returned, please continue to post about your journey because we are living through you right now. Your wonderful stories of how God formed or is forming your family is very encouraging to those of us who are still waiting to find our child. One day, in God's perfect timing, we too will be able to post about finding our child and how wonderful it is for our journey to come to a happy ending.

Well, maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe, just maybe, we will hear something from our agency and/or facilitator soon. In the meantime, I've got to remember this devotion:

Strength for the Wilderness

The Israelites had been traveling through the desert wilderness to the land of promise. The way was hot, sandy and rough; there was little water. But God had promised that He would guide them and provide for them. However, like many of us, they became discouraged. If only they had trusted God's promise that He who had supplied would continue to supply, instead of being discouraged they would have been encouraged. Discouragement turns to encouragement when we look away from our circumstances and focus our eyes on the Lord.

In 1 Samuel 30, we read about David in the midst of trouble. The Amalekites had burned Ziklag, his private property and residence, but David's distress drove him to the Lord. "But David found strength in the Lord his God" (1 Samuel 30:6). Someone has said, "To look around is to be distressed; to look within is to be depressed; to look up is to be blessed."

Today, our way may be through the wilderness. It may be easy to become discouraged. Discouragement is a tool of Satan. The story is told that Satan was "going out of business." All of his tools were offered for sale. They were attractively displayed on a table. What an array - hatred, envy, jealousy, deceit! One harmless-looking one, much worn, was priced higher than any of the others. "What is that tool?" someone asked. "Discouragement," was the reply. "Why is it so expenseive?" Satan answered, "Because it is more useful to me than any of the others."

Will our distress drive us to despair and discouragement or to God? May we, like David, find strength in the Lord our God.

---- Adapted from Women's Devotional Bible; author Millie Stamm

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

This morning, as I dropped Ashton off at daycare, he was so excited because today is "party day." Last night, I made cupcakes for his class, and he couldn't wait to give them to his friends. Call me crazy, but daycare and school parties are some of the things that I most looked forward to when I found-out I was going to be a mother. I just couldn't wait to bake cookies, decorate cupcakes, and just be an active classroom parent. Honestly, I think I was excited as Ashton with the way that the cupcakes turned out. I finished decorating and cleaning the kitchen just a little before midnight last night, so I was pretty tired however when Ashton climbed up so he could see them, his little expressions made all the work completely worth it. Throughout the night, he kept asking me "what you doing, Mommy", "are these for my friends", "they smell good", and of course, "I help". When he saw the finished project, he said, "Wow! I wuv you Mommy!" My heart melted right there, and I just had to reach out and hug him. I love my little man so much!

A few weeks ago, he asked if the Easter Bunny could bring him a Spider Man blanket for Valentine's Day?! I tried to explain that the Easter Bunny doesn't come until Easter, but he just wasn't getting it. Well, thankfully WalMart clearanced the Spidey blankets last week, so that will be his Valentine gift tonight.

I told Ashton this morning that when his daddy gets home tonight, he will receive his Valentine gift. Ashton wanted to know if it is was a "herkycopter" (aka helicopter for all of you who are not addicted to Jay Jay the Jet Plane and his friends). Ashton said that he wanted a real one that would fly him up in the sky. I explained that he wouldn't be getting a "herkycopter" but that he could ride in another one someday soon. He said, "otay" (aka okay) and hurried to dress for his party. Of course, he was supposed to wear pajamas today and bring his favorite bear to daycare. Ashton wouldn't hear of wearing his pj's because he said, "It not night night. Sun's up, morning's here". As for the bear, Ashton doesn't like many stuffed animals because his world revolves around aviation, so naturally he had to bring his stuffed Jay Jay the Jet Plane that talks and sings (sorry Mrs. Cindy but this will probably drive you crazy today). We loaded-up and off to daycare we went for a fun-filled day. I just hope the children enjoy the "Going Buggy Over You" cupcakes!

Here is a picture of the frog prince cupcake cake that I prepared at the end of last week for a pre-Valentine treat for Jason's co-workers at Nissan.

Have a wonderful day with your loved ones!

We're sending special kisses to Ukraine to our little girl - we're trying to find you and love you dearly!

Reflecting Back

The first part of this week, Jason and I began reflecting back over our first trip to Ukraine. There were a lot of tears, but there was a lot of laughter as well. Here are some of our adventures and/or stories:

• Once we returned to Kiev after visiting the orphanage, we stayed in Kiev from Monday through Thursday before returning back to the USA. We ate our last 3 meals at TGI Friday’s, so the staff was very friendly and became very accustomed to us. They loved to hear us speak, and we enjoyed eating there because it was wonderful to hear people speak English! When we left the restaurant on the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving, the hostess said, “See you tomorrow.” We just laughed and waved goodbye because it took us a moment to realize what she said. We died laughing when we got back to our apartment. We couldn’t wait to get back home to tell Jason’s mother about the comment because she thinks it’s awful that people eat at restaurants so frequently that the servers recognize their faces and know their names. For us, we were just thrilled to be treated kindly!

• When we arrived in Kiev, we were expedited through Customs like a whirlwind. We could barely understand the people who were motioning for us to follow them. One man was in such a hurry to get us through the airport that he even climbed into the tunnel where the baggage was coming through in order to search for our suitcase. It was like watching an episode of the "3 Stooges" as the man kept playing charades with us in order to determine whether or not he had found the right bag. The two words that he could say were "little tip" and he repeated it constantly. We were prepared to tip him, however Yuri told us not to worry about it because he was being compensated for all his efforts because we had paid for the VIP service. (Next time, we will tip that man because we felt horrible for not doing so because he worked hard trying to find our luggage!) We were met at the exit door by a young man that we only assumed was Yuri. He too hurried us out the door and then into a Honda. As we were getting situated in the car, Jason turned to me and said, "Is this Yuri?" How the heck was I supposed to know? I just laughed (it was that or cry) and said, "I guess we'll find out in a minute." We literally had to run to keep up with the men in the airport, so there really wasn't time to ask for identification.

• THE DRIVING: We knew we were in trouble when we trying to back out of the parking space at the airport and heard a thump. Calmly, Yuri said, "Accident?" (He meant a person, not necessarily a car!) Jason attempted to look out his snow covered window and said, "I don't see anyone on the ground on my side." YIKES! Yuri told us that he usually tells Americans to just close their eyes as he drives. People drive like maniacs and the horn is constantly being tooted. The craziest thing to see is how people just drive up on the sidewalks and park wherever there is spot (and sometimes where there really isn't a spot). After a while, you get used to having to dodge cars and constantly watching for someone to pull up over the curb and run over you. Insurance premiums must be out the roof over there!

• Our second night in the region, we stayed in a hotel that was very nice on the outside but the rooms lacked some things that we spoiled Americans take for granted – clean sheets and pillows! We had experienced an awful day at the orphanage and were emotional wrecks. Jason was ready for bed as soon as we got in the room, so he walked over and claimed a bed – the room contained two single beds bolted to separate walls. We were laughing because we said that the room looked like it belonged in a “Leave it to Beaver” episode. As we laughed, Jason pulled back his covers and quite loudly stated, “Oh my gosh!” There were hairs all in his bed and on the pillow. He sniffed the pillow and declared that it smelled like a man. I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Jason is a very serious person and is anal about cleanliness, so this discovery was a nightmare for him. He walked over to my bed and looked at my pillow. It seemed to make him feel better that my pillow also had hair on it. When we got ready to actually go to bed, I turned the light off then we just jumped into our respective beds and didn’t dare look under the covers. Even as I’m writing this, I am laughing because I can still see the look of terror on Jason’s face when he discovered the first hair!

• When we arrived at our first apartment, we were exhausted. We had great intentions to get to bed early and get a good night’s sleep on our last night in America, however that just didn’t happen. We couldn’t sleep on the plane because there were some orphans returning to Ukraine from a hosting program and they didn’t sleep – they talked and ran up and down the plane’s aisles for 10 hours. When we got settled into our apartment, we fell-out on our bed and slept for hours. Suddenly, we heard a bird singing and both of us sat straight up. We didn’t have a clue where we were or what the noise was. Jason ran to the phone and said, “Hello.” When we realized it wasn’t the apartment phone, I called Yuri on the cell phone to see if he was trying to reach us, but it wasn’t him either. We ended-up finding out that it was the doorbell! We don’t have a clue who was ringing the bell, but by the time we thought about the door, he or she had left. There’s nothing like waking-up all wild-eyed and disoriented in Ukraine!

• We couldn’t get over the dogs that run rampant. I was horrified to enter into the grocery store and say “excuse me” to the dog that was lounging in front of the grocery carts! The dogs in Kiev seemed harmless, however the dogs we saw while traveling in region seemed rather ferocious as they followed at people’s heels and tried to steal groceries from the elderly ladies. Hum, I guess that’s why the CDC website recommended a rabies shot!

• When we were boarding the train back to Kiev at 4:00 a.m., we each had a suitcase and a carry-on. Jason boarded first so that he could help me with my suitcase. He lifted it up and gave me his carry-on to put in the train car. I was getting shoved and fussed at, so I was trying to move along quickly before a riot broke-out. For those of you who have ever ridden a train in Ukraine, you know how pushy people get when boarding. My Ukrainian is very, very limited, however I know beyond a doubt that there were some 4-letter words spoken to me as I tried to get our luggage into the cabin. In all my haste, I forget about poor Jason and the 2 rather sizeable suitcases. I looked around, and he said, “Well, aren’t you going to help me? I’m getting killed out here!” For Jason, the train rides were the absolute worst parts of our trip. He was literally green both times. Let’s just say that on that morning, once we got settled, I cracked-up laughing but Jason was blowing steam out of his ears. We were just about an hour outside of Kiev when he finally took my hand and said, “It’s almost over.” It was that moment that I realized the absolute toll that the last week and a half had taken on him and it was at that moment, that I realized what an awesome husband God has given me!

• The most special thing that I remember and treasure from our trip was the time that Jason and I spent together. At home, we are so busy with work and family, that sometimes we don’t spend enough time together as a couple. This trip really helped us to reconnect. When adopting internationally, there are so many emotions that you experience, that unless you have traveled that path, you will never fully understand all that an adoptive family undergoes. Jason is not a person who freely talks about his feelings or shares his thoughts, so to go through the emotional roller coaster ride that we experienced brought out a lot of emotions and fears. I will never forget the taxi ride to the orphanage when we were so anxious to meet the girls or the look in his eyes when he told our facilitator that the little girls were adorable but that they were not our children. When he took my hand as we descended the steps leading from the orphanage, I will never forget the surge of love and of heartache that radiated from his body to mine. The prayers that were spoken, the tears that were shed, and the longing in our hearts for our new child cannot be explained. This adoption journey has brought our marital relationship to another level and certainly assisted in strengthening our relationship with Christ. If our road was bumpy for no other reason than this, then every heartache was worth it. Our family is closer than we ever thought possible and Christ is certainly in the center.

The Waiting Game

Well, there's not really any news to report, but we know that people are curious so we thought we would post an update. We have completely redone our dossier because most of our documents were going to expire on May 8, 2008. When I went to the Williamson County Clerk's office for the notary certification, a little lady almost ran me over in order to obtain a parking space. The lady at the desk wasn't too happy about assisting me, so she said that she was going to get the pregnant lady to help me because she did nothing but stay in the restroom all day. She literally went into the bathroom and retrieved the poor, about-to-pop clerk! Needless to say, I don't think the co-workers are bossom buddies. The lady who works at the Secretary of State is very polite and always asks for a status update. I guess it's a little sad that we've been up there so much but that's just the way the paperchase has gone for us. I have to make one more trip tomorrow to apostille 13 more documents and then we will be finished - hopefully. We've had the documents for almost 2 weeks, but my schedule just hasn't allowed me the chance to get them apostilled at the Secretary of State.

I e-mailed Yuri yesterday about a family who is wanting to adopt, so he responded today and gave me an update on our case. He stated that he went to the SDA this morning and inquired about our status. We still have a while to wait, but that's okay. We're actually getting pretty good at this waiting game. In the meantime, I am wrapping-up some cases at work and Jason is working more overtime to help pay for the additional costs of a second trip.

We are getting anxious, but we are definitely willing to wait if it means that we will get a good referall this time around. We are faithful to read the blogs posted on the right side of the screen. It is so uplifting to see God working all over the globe creating families. It's also amazing to know that we are praying for families that we will most likely never meet and that people are out there praying for us as well. Adoption is truly a miracle and has God's signature all over it!

Update on 2nd Appointments

I just received a call from Kate with America World with an update on how things are going over in Ukraine right now. Our facilitator, Yuri, reported to her that he has interacted with or has knowledge of several families who have just completed their 2nd appointment with the SDA. The reports so far are encouraging because families are receiving referrals that match their requests. Any "Amens" out there?!

There is still no news as to when we will travel again, but we are upbeat and positive. The peace that Jason and I have is actually quite overwhelming. We are both involved in new Bible studies at church and are learning to take one day at a time and let God mold us where we're at. We'll let you know when we hear anything else.

"The Lord reigns forever; He has established His throne for judgment. He will judge the world in righteousness; He will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord have never forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9: 7-10

"That boy breaks my heart," said Ashton

Last night, I was on the web reading blogs of other adoptive families. There are a lot of us out there with many, many different stories but the same desire - to find our child. There is one family's blog in particular that we follow with great commitment - Robert and Kelly Daniels. (http://youbelong.net/thedaniels)

Jason and I met Robert and Kelly in Nashville on November 10, 2007, when we all began our adoption journey. While we were sitting in the terminal waiting to board our flight to New York, I overheard Kelly tell an airport worker that they were flying to Ukraine to adopt a child. Of course, I immediately apologized for overhearing their conversation and then introduced myself. Once we landed in Kiev, we didn't know if we would see them again or not. Well, when we went to the region to visit the orphanage, guess who pulled-up on the other side of the parking lot - Robert and Kelly. We were in the car and had thought it was them but wasn't sure because they were bundled-up pretty good and in a hurry to get inside the orphanage. Next thing we know, our phone is ringing and our translator is asking us to come back inside because she had just met another family from Tennessee. At that moment, we knew for sure that the couple we saw was actually the Daniels.

Once we got inside and made our way back up to the orphanage director's office, we were able to spend a few brief moments together before they were taken to meet their son for the first time. I'll never forget the next few moments and their faces. We had already met the girls that we were referred and were trying to complete our referral rejection paperwork. Robert was very quiet and solemn while Kelly's face radiated anxiety. They were only gone moments, however when they climbed back up the stairs to the director's office, their faces were lit-up and they were smiling from ear to ear. Kelly was literally glowing. They had found their child! We were so excited for them. They began preparing for court and we returned to Kiev to prepare for our second appointment. Our paths never crossed again except over the Internet.

We made sure to keep-up with their journey by reading their blog faithfully. It had been awhile since any new posts, so we were pretty excited last night when we saw that there was a new post with pictures. Ashton recognized Nathan immediately because we have used the Daniel blog as a way of better explaining the adoption process to Ashton. Last night, he just kept staring at Nathan's pictures and not saying much (usually he constantly asks questions about Nathan, Ukraine, and his new parents). Ashton finally said, "That boy breaks my heart." When I asked him why, he stated, "Because he in 'Merica and my sissy is in Ukraine." At that point in time, Jason and I just looked at each other with tears in our eyes. We immediately started telling Ashton that he should be happy because Nathan has a mommy and daddy now and that when his sissy is ready to come to America, God will let us know and we will go get her. After a few minutes of talking, he was ready to see more of Nathan's pictures and was glad that he had come to 'Merica.

Some people may think that we have been too open with Ashton about the adoption, however we wouldn't do anything any differently. We want Ashton to understand why we have to go to Ukraine and where we're at when we are gone for weeks at a time. Even more importantly, we want Ashton to recognize that God's hand is at work and that God is taking care of our family - even his sissy across the world. One thing is for sure, when God calls a family to adopt, he places that desire in both the hearts of the parents and the children.

The Sweetest Prayer

Well, Ashton has the flu. He had a flu shot this past October, but apparently the strand going around right now isn't the same as the one contained in the vaccination. One good thing is that by Ashton having received the vaccine, his symptoms have not been as severe as they probably would have been. His aunt, Leigh, calls him the "the germ" because we are all hoping and praying that we will not get sick after being around him. He has spent the entire week with his Pa Pa Tudor, so on top of our dealing with a sick child, he is also being spoiled rotten!

Last night, we were trying to get him tucked into bed with his head elevated when he insisted that he wasn't sick and didn't need two pillows under his head. He stated, "God made me better, Momma." After getting him settled, it was time to say our prayers. Ashton insisted that he pray tonight, so he squeezed his eyes shut and put his pudgy hands together. He sang his normal prayer and then asked God to "take care of my sissy and bring her to 'Merica fast." The next phrase is what captured my heart - "I love my sissy, God. Amen".

Just to update you, we haven't heard anything yet. I talked to Kate at America World last night and was told that she is going to speak with Yuri over the phone today. I asked her to please inquire as to how the appointments for families traveling for a second referral are going so far. As you are aware, the second appointments were scheduled to begin on January 14, 2008, so the SDA should be about to wrap-up 2 weeks of second trippers. Please continue to pray for all the families who are waiting to be united with their child.

Starting to Imagine Coming Back Home

Before we left for Ukraine at the end of last year, I would often try to imagine what our homecoming would be like. The odd thing is, in my mind's eye, I never could quite make it out of the terminal walkway and therefore found myself very frustrated. After our heart-wrenching experiences in Ukraine, it's been quite a while since I have even allowed myself to start thinking about our homecoming with our new child. Now, I don't seem to have those frustrations of not being able to imagine, and the excitement of adoption is returning - praise God! I don't really know what has changed - maybe it's my level of faith or maybe it's that our time is almost here and God is allowing me some insight on how wonderful that event will be. Whatever the reason, I know that my hope and excitement is returning and is much stronger than ever before.

In my mind's eye, my thoughts begin with our little girl waving goodbye to her homeland with tears running down all of our cheeks as we prepare to board the plane and head back to the good ole' USA. I have to laugh when my mind's eye takes me to the restroom on the plane - just how am I going to fit in those very tight quarters with a squirming baby or toddler? If I need to change diapers or pull-ups, how in the world am I going to manage that? I keep trying to figure-out that scenario, but so far I've not quite determined just how we are going to both be clean upon our exit - especially if we hit turbulence! When we left Kyiv to return home last November, I went to the restroom immediately upon our boarding, so I was the first person and it was then that I discovered that Delta does NOT make sure that the facilities are remotely cleaned before departing on a 10 hour flight!

When we reach Nashville, I imagine my carrying a little girl who is quite inquisitive yet very sleepy from such a long journey. Tears spring to my eyes as I focus on our family and friends who are anxiously waiting at the end of the long, rather poorly lit terminal. We see the signs and all the people, however our eyes are searching for the little boy who holds our hearts in his chubby little hand. Oh how we have anticipated the moment when Ashton meets his sissy for the very first time! At first, he acts very timid, then his curiosity is aroused as we state, "Ashton, this is your sissy." I can't wait to witness their first embrace as brother and sister and ours as a family of four!

As clearly as can be, I can imagine my niece, Hannah, as she approaches us and bends down to meet her newest cousin. She's only three but is full of compassion and love. By this time, Jason is holding our child and bending down so that the children can all see her. Hannah leans down with her little bottom sticking-out so that she can precariously place a kiss on her new cousin's cheek and place her chubby little arms around her neck. She giggles and says, "Hi. I love you."

Tyler, who will be 8 tomorrow, is very timid, yet has a grin on his face as he very quietly says "Hi" and throws-up his hand. His little brother, Trent, who is four just stands back and watches the scene. Trent is the type who stands back and observes before taking any action.

Oh, and Hailey, who will be almost 2, is trying to wiggle out of Denise's arms in order to explore the airport. When she realizes that there's another small person around, she comes to investigate and then reaches out to touch her new cousin's face.

My parents, grandmother, sister, and in-laws have tears streaming down their faces. Everyone wants a look at our child, however care is taken not to overwhelm her with hugs and passing around. People around us are staring but find their eyes filled with tears as well because love and thanksgiving is permeating the air around us. The next image takes my breath away because as a family, we bow our heads and thank God for a safe journey, and most of all, for answering prayers and bringing us all together as a family.

All this may sound so bizarre to you, but I'm a visual person so it is huge for me to be able to visualize this scene. When we left Ukraine last November, we left with a mixture of emotions from hurt to anger. There have been points when we have actually dreaded returning to Ukraine, however God has helped us move past these feelings and has brought us to the point in which we recognize that He has a plan and that we need to be humbled and to trust Him. By my being able to visualize our return home, in my heart I know that God is helping me to look forward to the future and to release the emotions wrapped-up from our first trip and preparing me for an awesome journey as a family of four.

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:6

Good News from Ukraine

Well, we got a call from Kate at America World. Apparently Yuri's meeting with the assistant director went relatively well. Of course, the SDA did not want to be confined to a timeline, but that response was expected. From what Yuri was told, when a child becomes available who matches our request, Yuri will be contacted and given information about the child. Yuri will then contact America World, who in turn will contact us, and then we will decide whether or not to accept the referral. At this time, it is not clear what will happen if we reject the referral, so we don't know whether or not we will be referred another child at a later time.

Basically this is the same method that we were initially told about, however over the last couple of weeks, it became apparent that the SDA was considering bringing all 125 waiting families back to Ukraine over a month and a half period to basically consider the same sick children that we were all shown before, so this is absolutely great news for us! We will feel a lot better about traveling for a child or children that we know at least something about. Once Yuri finds out about the possible child or children, then he can contact the orphanage and other facilitators who may have seen the child or children in an effort to gain more information about the true health conditions. Even if we do not specifically know which child we will be shown, at least we will have an idea of the conditions that we need to consider.

Of course, in Ukraine things can change at a moment's notice, however right now this is the way that the SDA plans on conducting 2nd appointments. Please, do not stop praying for Ukraine, SDA, the orphans, and all the families waiting for their children! God has definitely moved mountains, and we are positive that He won't stop now!

For some of you, it may seem like nothing really came of this meeting because we really don't have a timeline or guarantees, however if you went through the pain of meeting and then rejecting a child, then you would consider this method a huge improvement. Jason and I never want to go through the pain of our first orphanage visit again - the emotions we felt could never be fully explained or understood unless you too walked out a heavy metal door that banged behind you, knowing that for some children they will age-out of the system and never know how wonderful childhood can be. We will NEVER forget those children and the longing in their eyes to be loved and to have a real family. Although they were not the children for us, it broke our hearts to reject the referral.

Yuri did state that after reading our letter, the SDA can better understand our request not to be invited until a child is available. Hopefully, the next trip will be significantly more productive and heart-warming (not heart-wrenching) than the last! Actually, I am beginning to get excited about returning. The translator at the SDA said that Kyiv is beautiful in early spring, so maybe we will find out soon!

Daily Bible Reading

My Bible devotion for today was about adoption and trust - imagine that. God never ceases to amaze me as to His perfect timing. Here are some of the key verses for today:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"My son, do not forget My teaching, but keep My commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sign of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 1-6

The author's beginning words:

"Trust is such a lovely word in a world thoroughly self-indulged and complicated. It is quiet. Simple. It represents freedom. Rest. Letting go...Most of us are too busy and noisy to hear the 'still, small voice.' To identify it. To trust in its power above our human strivings."

The author's final words:

"Let go completely. Trust. Live with it all in an open hand before God. Jesus promises He WILL work it out. I do believe for you, always....a new sunrise."

(Taken from Women's Devotional Bible; Author: Ann Kiemel Anderson 1990)

Patiently Waiting - Well, trying to be patient

We want to thank each and every person for your prayers - especially yesterday and today. We still haven't heard anything from America World, and believe me, it's all I can do not to call them. I have checked my e-mail constantly all morning, but no messages. There have been a lot of hits on our blog this morning, so I know people are wondering. I promise that as soon as we hear any news about today's meeting at the SDA, I will post. In the meantime, for me it's back to praying.

UPDATE as of 5:00 p.m. on 01/09/08:

We just received an e-mail from Kate at America World that stated that she did not hear from Yuri today. Kate said that she suspects that the meeting was postponed because Yuri is always very good to provide updates. She is going to call him in the morning, so in the meantime, back to praying (as if any of us ever stopped). We'll update you when we know more!

HUGE NEWS - Need Prayers Immediately

We just received an e-mail from Kate at America World. She said that Yuri had a meeting today with one of the staff psychologists (these are the people who share profiles of children with the families). He was told that the SDA wants to invite families requesting younger children for a second appointment when there are children available who match the families' requests. More than likely, invitations would be for an appointment in February or later. Bear in mind, that in Ukraine, procedures change constantly, so please pray that families are in fact invited only when children are available.

THIS IS HUGE - PLEASE PRAY DILIGENTLY:

Tomorrow, Yuri has a meeting scheduled with the Deputy Director of the SDA to discuss our family's situation. He will present the Deputy Director with our letter and our family photo album in an effort to personalize the discussion. We are not expecting to receive a specific appointment date tomorrow, but we are expecting to obtain clearer answers about how the second appointment process will work. The meeting is scheduled for 3 pm in Kiev, so 7 am Central time. Please, take a moment to pray specifically for this meeting.

Our Prayer Requests:

• That God will go ahead of us and prepare the way for an awesome and uplifting meeting with the Deputy Director and other officials involved.
• That clear and honest answers will be given to Yuri.
• That we will receive an accurate timeline for the appointment.
• That God will direct the SDA to present us with the child that He has chosen for our family without hassle and turmoil.
• That we will be united with our new child very, very soon.
• That the new officials at the SDA will truly care about the welfare of the children and work vigorously to match families with appropriate children.

Ultimately, the process that we would like to see implemented is that families are told in advance which child the SDA is inviting them to visit (this would work very much like programs in other countries where families receive health and other information prior to traveling), however we are well aware that this adoption is orchestrated by Christ and that His plan is best. Please pray that all things will go according to God's will and that when it's all said and done, He will receive all the glory and honor. We may never know why our adoption journey has been so difficult, but we will always know that no matter how big the roadblock, God demolished it!

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him"

1 Corinthians 2:9

No News

Everyone is asking the same question, "Have you heard anything yet?" The answer is no. Last week, the official offices were closed for New Years and then Orthodox Christmas was celebrated yesterday, so Ukraine is slap-dab in the middle of the holidays. Technically, the government is supposed to reopen today (01/08/08), however we were told that like most of us here in the US, many people take-off the entire week of Christmas. We really aren't expecting to hear anything until next week sometime.

At this point, we don't even know whether or not our letter was submitted yet. I contacted Kate at America World the end of last week, and she stated that she had e-mailed Yuri about this very topic because she couldn't tell from his e-mail whether or not he had been able to submit our letter before holiday shutdown. We'll just keep on praying!

On Saturday, Jason and I went to the doctor in order to re-do our medical testing. We had to be tested for syphilis, Hepatitis, HIV, and TB. Last time, it took a week or so for the results to come-in, however when we went yesterday to have our TB test looked-at, the results were in! We also requested our updated criminal background check yesterday, so we expect those results next week. Fortunately, the people at the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation are usually pretty quick with the checks and are VERY cooperative with getting it notarized and mailed in a timely manner! It looks like things are moving right along with having to re-do documents for our dossier, so once again - GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!

Gifts from Ukraine - Slideshow

Gifts from our "Ukrainian Blessing"

While Jason and I were in Ukraine in November, we purchased traditional Ukrainian items to give as gifts to our family members for Christmas from our new "Ukrainian Blessing". By the way, since we don't yet know the name of our new child, we call him or her our Ukrainian Blessing. For the grandfathers, we purchased hand-painted dresser boxes and for the ladies of the family, we purchased matryoshka dolls. Even though we haven't been united together as a family, we still wanted to give the gifts and have special prayer for our child across the world. The following is the letter that came with the gifts:

Dear (Family Member's Name),

I know you haven’t seen my face yet or even know my name, but I know you love me just the same, and I love you. So far, all of my memories are of my caregivers and other children in my groupa, however all my hopes and dreams are of you – my family. Every night, I go to sleep praying for a family and wake-up wondering if today will be the day when I meet my very own Momma and Papa. Throughout the day, I play with my friends, however I keep an eye on the door waiting for the orphanage director to call out my name, lift me into her arms, and introduce me to my very own family. I wonder what my Momma and Papa look like or if I will have a brother or sister to play with? I like playing with my friends here and will miss them a lot, but it makes me sad not to have a family of my very own. I wonder if I will have my own room with a warm bed and more toys than I could ever play with? Most of all, though, I just want to be loved and kissed forever!

My groupa room is clean and has lots of toys and my caregivers are friendly, but my heart longs for my own family. I want a real family with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a dog! When we meet one day soon, and we will meet soon, I hope you aren’t disappointed in me. I’ll probably be shy and won’t be able to understand what you are saying because I speak Ukrainian, however I’ll open-up soon and will learn English very quickly. I just can’t wait to be a part of a real family!

Sometimes at night, I find myself cold, sad, and wishing that my Momma and Papa would hurry-up and come for me. My caregivers are very busy taking care of all my friends, so they don’t always have time to comfort me. Some nights, I cry inside because I know that sobs and tears falling down my face don’t help any and only make me hiccup. Don’t worry though, my very special Friend is always there to dry my eyes and hold me through the night.

My special Friend is the only man that I have ever seen. At first, He scared me because I didn’t know who He was, where He came from, or if He was friendly or mean. He doesn’t scare me anymore, though, because He comes to my bed every night and holds me until the sun comes up the next day. He’s still there if I wake-up after a bad dream, and He always tells me that He loves me. Come to think about it, He’s the only person who has ever told me that He loves me. I like to hold His hand while I try to go to sleep. His hand looks funny because He has a scar on it. When I asked Him about it, He said that sometimes love hurts and that one day I would understand. I thought it was a funny answer, but I didn’t ask any more questions because I just wanted to know when I was going to get a Momma and Papa. I ask about my Momma and Papa a lot, and my Friend always tells me that they are coming but I must be patient because He has a very special family picked-out for me and that they are trying really, really hard to find me.

Since I can’t be there with you to celebrate Christmas, I want to be sure that I give you a gift from my homeland. I know that when I become a part of your family, I will leave Ukraine, and although I am excited about living in America one day, I will always love my country because this is where I was born. Very special to my culture are hand-painted matryoshka dolls and hand-painted dresser boxes. I have picked-out a very special gift for you that I hope you enjoy very, very much. Each time you look at it, please say a prayer for my country and me. I hope that we can meet very, very soon! Each night, I ask my Friend to take care of you and to make us a family – I know I can depend on Him to take care of me because He tells me every night that no matter where I live, He will go with me and still be my Friend. Maybe one day, you can meet my Friend too and help me thank Him for making us a family!

Love,


Your Ukrainian Blessing

Our 5th Wedding Anniversary

On December 28, 2007, Jason and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. We took Ashton with us to see Opryland's ICE exhibit which is based upon "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas". This was one of the best shows ever because of the extensive use of color. My favorite part is the end where you walk into a large room featuring Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. Regardless of the theme, Opryland always concludes the show with a scene reflecting the birth of Jesus Christ - pretty awesome if you ask me!

When Jason proposed in 2001, he chose to do so at Opryland Hotel. The night was perfect. It was the first year for the ICE show and the Rockettes, so we had tickets to both. After the shows, we walked through the hotel and enjoyed all the decorations and gardens. I saw Jason bend down and thought that he was having trouble with his shoelace, so I sat down on a bench to wait for him. I was busy looking around and next thing I know, he's in front of me holding a black box. Oh, by the way, Jason didn't realize how deep his jacket pocket was, so he had a hard time getting the box out, that's what took him so long. He later said he felt dorky down on his knee with strangers gawking, but for me it was a moment I will never forget! Well, you might say that the rest is history, however each year during December, we always try to make it back to Opryland and enjoy all the festivities.

Waiting to hear from Ukraine

After Yuri met with Ukrainian adoption officials on Dec. 24, 2007, we were informed that we needed to write a letter to the SDA requesting that we not be invited back to Ukraine unless there is a child meeting our request available for our consideration. What should be a simple letter really was difficult to write because we were told to make it personal and give specific detail as to why we were making such a request. Prior to writing the letter, Jason and I reminisced about our experience at the orphanage and tried to decide how personal the content should be. Yuri received the letter last Friday and was supposed to go to the SDA this past Monday (Dec. 31), but we haven't heard anything from him yet. With New Years and Christmas (Ukraine celebrates in January), the offices are more than likely closed this week and next week, so we are not expecting to hear from him. In all actuality, Yuri may not have been able to secure an appointment with the SDA director on Monday, so our letter may not be submitted yet. Please continue to pray that God will open all the doors that lead to our child and make the rest of our journey smooth traveling! If we do not receive a good referral at this point in time, then our adoption journey will end without our receiving a child. We're trying not to focus on the negativity but instead focus on praising God for how He is working in this matter, so please pray that we can keep our focus on Him and not on all the turmoil.

Update from America World

I received a phone call and two e-mails from America World today. This morning, there was a rather large meeting in Ukraine that was comprised of SDA (adoption center) officials and facilitators with families waiting for second appointments. There are approximately 125 families waiting for second appointments at this time. At this time, the SDA plans to invites families for second appointments between 1/14/08 and 2/29/08. It is unknown whether or not families will travel to adopt a specific child or if families will be shown profiles once they arrive at the SDA (this is how the 1st appointment operates). We are hoping that we will travel for a specific child because we do not want to be faced with very sick children again. It was gut-wrenching for the children to call us Momma and Papa when we knew that we could not adopt them!

Our facilitator has another meeting on Monday, 12/24/07, to discuss more details about the second appointment process. At this time, we know that we will have to pay to re-do quite a few documents and medical tests, so I know what I will be doing the first of the year! Please pray earnestly for good news and for God's guidance both for families waiting and Ukraine officials. We will receive a phone call sometime Monday with more details after Yuri's meeting. We'll keep you posted, but until then please PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

We were supposed to fly home with our child today :(

Today has been a difficult day for us. After Jason left to go to work, Ashton woke-up and climbed into bed with me. I thought he was going back to sleep, however his little brain was in overdrive. He said, "Mommy, when are you going to get sissy?" Neither Jason nor I even mentioned last night that if the adoption had gone smoothly, we would be arriving back in the US tonight. I guess in Ashton's heart, he is longing for his sibling just like us. Maybe this seems extreme to some people, but we have prayed so hard for this little child, love him or her so deeply, and have experienced such a roller coaster ride, that not to be able to express our love to the newest member of our family hurts more than words can express. When God calls you to adopt, He places a love and desire in your heart that is not understood by most who have not also felt that calling. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I couldn't love a child who was not my own?" I think as parents, when you have your own child, it is hard to imagine a more powerful love than that which you have for your natural child - from the very time of his or her known existence in the womb. In order to love a child not from your womb just as much as a biological, that love comes from God and is just as strong and deep as that of a natural child. If you have children, just imagine what it would feel like if your child was across the world and you were completely separated from him or her - wouldn't you long to be united together?

I can't help but think about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what she must have felt all those centuries ago. She loved the child growing within her yet she must have been scared, excited, and overwhelmed all at once - emotions that we too are experiencing over the child that God is going to bless us with. God held her hand through it all and provided her with comfort. How her heart must have longed to hold the Holy child growing within her womb and then the day came when she wept as she held the lifeless body that had been tortured for no sins that He had commited. I am in no way trying to compare our child to Christ, but I can't help but to compare the emotions about looking upon our child's face for the first time.

Before starting our day, Ashton and I talked about when we would leave again to go back to Ukraine. He said that he wasn't going to cry and that he wants to be at the airport when "sissy comes to 'Merica". He also wants his cousins there, so he called them each by name. Right before we got up, he said, "I love my sissy, Mommy." Needless to say, my eyes were far from dry!

Stocking space just for our Ukrainian Blessing

"Look, Sissy, next year you will have a stocking on our family placard! We saved room just for you!"

Hangin' In There

The love and support that we have experienced throughout this adoption experience has been and continues to be absolutely overwhelming. Thank you to each and every person who has prayed for us, expressed a tender smile, shed a tear, and just been there with us and for us. Some of you, we may never meet or even know you are out there following our journey, but we thank you for your support and most of all, prayers.

We're not going to tell you that everything is just fine and that we don't have a care in the world. It is amazing the roller coaster of emotions that we experience daily. Even down to little Ashton, he doesn't understand why his sibling is still in Ukraine. On more than one occasion, he has asked me, "God with sissy?" Sometimes it's easy to overlook that Ashton longs for his sibling just as much as we do. He may only be three, but we have tried to prepare him for our extended stay in Ukraine and how God has a sibling just for him. Just this weekend, he asked if Santa was going to come see Julianna and who was going to love her because she doesn’t have a Mommy.

At daycare, Mrs. Cindy prepared a placard for each family with a stocking for each family member. She placed three stockings on ours and labeled each one. Ashton was quick to point-out that the empty place was for sissy’s stocking. Mrs. Cindy included the extra stocking so that when the time comes, our family plaque will be complete. The empty spot where Julianna’s stocking is supposed to hang very much resembles how we feel right now. It’s like there is an empty spot in our hearts. We all love our new child and feel very sad that she is in an orphanage without a family to love her. In our minds, we know that God has His own timing and that it is perfect, however our hearts are aching.

We’re filling our days with Ashton and making memories. So often, we taken children for granted. It is so frustrating when we see people having children and not caring about them. We think, why can that person have children and we can’t? As a mother, I cannot imagine not loving or caring for your child. Just this morning, while Ashton was sleeping, I held him in my arms, kissed his little head, and thanked God for the wonderful blessing that He gave us in Ashton. I want him to grow-up knowing that he is unconditionally loved. I long to show our new child that same love that Ashton and many of us so often take for granted.

I know that we aren’t supposed to question God or be selfish in our prayers, however it’s easy to get wrapped-up in wanting answers as to why didn’t things work out the first time appointment, how are we going to leave Ashton again, will we receive a good referral, etc. We’re trying to focus on the present and leave all our anxiety and questions at the foot of the cross, however it is a constant struggle because we want to be able to fix everything right now and have immediate answers. Right now, our hearts are breaking and we are longing for another child to share our lives and love with. Comfort comes only through reading God’s Word.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. “
Psalm 121: 1-4

Elvis' Love Shack

1st Apartment and Region Hotel

Miscellaneous Ukrainian Pictures

Literally Feeling the Touch of God

No matter how many potholes we endured during our trip to Ukraine, we are able to look back and smile. We don't understand why we had to travel for 12 days only to return home without a child, but we are at peace with this. Don't get me wrong, when we got back to the hotel after visiting with the children, we were distraught mentally, emotionally, and physically. Jason and I both just sat down on our beds and cried. We're not supposed to question God, however we did on that night. We have prayed so earnestly about this adoption and God has moved so many mountains and opened doors that were seemingly shut, that to this day, we do not doubt that our child is waiting in Ukraine. Sometimes we encounter life events or challenges that just don't seem to make sense, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we took the wrong path or stepped outside of God's will. Oftentimes, it's during those challenges that we grow - Jason and I have certainly grown closer together but more importantly, closer to God. We do not regret our trip.

On Monday, after we went to the SDA and were told that we had to wait up to three months for another appointment, we went to the local Delta office and secured our flight back to the States. I waited for it to become daylight in Tennessee, then I called my parents. It shocked me when I heard the sadness in my mother's voice. I asked her why she sounded so upset and disappointed because Jason and I were alright and at peace. I simply told her that our child just isn't ready yet. Mom has since told me that she thought, if they are at peace, then I have to be at peace and she prayed for just that. Once again, God answered her prayers and delivered peace to her as well.

Some of you may be asking how we can be okay with spending so much money and traveling to Europe only to return to the US empty handed. Even more importantly, you may be thinking that God let us down or didn't answer our prayers. Well, God did and is still answering our prayers. He certainly didn't let us down. Just because we didn't get another appointment date right off, doesn't mean that God doesn't care or didn't hear us. Sometimes, He wants us to wait. We can't always see the big picture, but He can. We are confident that in His time, we will be granted a child - oh, what a day that will be!

On Friday, November 16, after we visited the orphanage, before we settled in for the night, we spent private time in devotion. The devotion centered around the fact that God never makes a promise that He will not keep. We also read about faith. The following passage in our study guide really hit home: "Faith should be practiced more than studied. Vance Havner said, ' Nothing is more disastrous than to study faith, analyze faith, make noble resolves of faith, but never actually to make the leap of faith.' How true!" It was at that point, that we dried our eyes and turned our faces upward. We asked God to use our adoption story to help others. We committed our "story" to Him and promised to share our struggles and achievements as God leads us. Looking back, we should have done that in the beginning, but then again, doesn't being in a steep ravine force us to look up?

On Monday, November 19, before we went to the SDA, our devotion centered around the passage about not worrying that is found in Matthew 6:25-34. We also read about God's timing. The passages included:

• "Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14 NKJV

• "He said to them, 'It is not for you to know times or periods that the Father has set by His own authority.'" Acts 1:7 Holman CSB

• The Faith Builder of the day: Trust God's Timing. God has very big plans in store for your life, so trust Him and wait patiently for those plans to unfold. And remember: God's timing is best, so don't allow yourself to become discouraged if things don't work out exactly as you wish. Instead of worrying about you future, entrust it to God.

Throughout our stay in Ukraine, God never left us for a moment. Actually, there were times when we could literally feel His hands upon our shoulders guiding us. We have never felt God's presence so strongly as when we were in Ukraine. For all of you who prayed, we felt your prayers! When we were standing in the Customs interrogation room, we felt God's arms, literally I could feel pressure and a sense of peace passed over me. I knew that we were going to board that plane with all of our belongings intact. When our flaps didn't work on the plane while trying to land in Nashville, once again I felt His arms around me and not once did I think about complications (even with emergency vehicles all over the runway) - we knew we were going to land safely. When we were weeping in the hotel room after the orphanage visit, His presence was evident. Don't ever doubt the power of prayer!

Meet our Facilitator: Yuri

This is Yuri, our facilitator. He is acting like our attorney in the adoption process. He submits all the necessary paperwork, advises us when necessary, and holds our hands throughout the process. So far, he has worked well with us! His English is very good, and he's very easy to talk to, so that helped us during our stay in Ukraine. He is also quite the ladies' man, so that was a definite plus for us (or at least that's the way it appears). In the adoption world, most of the officials are female, so it is very beneficial to be working with a young man who the ladies seem to swoon over!

On the way back to the U.S., Yuri traveled with us as far as New York. He was headed to Richmond, Virginia to spend several days with a family that he helped to adopt 3 boys earlier this year. His traveling with us was another disguised blessing.

When we were trying to leave Ukraine, we experienced difficulty leaving Ukraine. If Yuri had not been with us to assist us in working out the situation and translating, we would still be in Ukraine right now awaiting a court date. It was all a misunderstanding stemming from culture and language barriers, however it was a rather frustrating and frightening experience. We certainly do not want to re-experience that event again! I know I'm not providng detail, but just know that when we thought things couldn't get any worse, they did! We were and still are so thankful that God put Yuri on the same flight back to the US with us!

Coming home without Ashton's Sissy

When we arrived in Nashville, we had more trouble - the flaps wouldn't work on the airplane. We circled the airport for about 20 minutes trying to burn fuel so that we could land safely. Of course, there's nothing like looking out the window and seeing emergency crews around the plane. Once again, God kept us safe and gave us peace that everything was going to be okay.

When we walked through the terminal, Ashton was holding Leigh's hand and waiting for us. He wouldn't come near us because he didn't think it was really us. Leigh had to give him a little push and say, "There's Mommy and Daddy!" He did come to us, however behaved very shyly. We kissed him all over. After the kisses, he looked into my eyes and dropped a bombshell, "Where's my sissy?" You can only imagine how awful Jason and I felt at that moment. My parents had tried to explain to Ashton that we were going to have to return to Ukraine because sissy wasn't ready to come to "Merica" yet, however he still doesn't fully understand.

My sister-in-law, Denise, also has a 3 year old, Hannah, who is asking questions about her new cousin. Denise compared the situation with going to the store to buy bananas and the store being out. They have to make a trip another day to buy bananas. Hannah understood but Ashton didn't appreciate the analogy very much.

"It would break my heart," said Ashton Reed.

In Ukraine, there are a lot more boys available than there are girls. Yuri told us that for every 1 female orphane, there are 9 male orphanes. Well, we want a female under the age of 36 months. From the beginning, Ashton has also asked for a "sissy" as he refers to his new sibling. After church today, we were at McDonald's and talking to Ashton about our having to return to Ukraine. I told him that God may not have a sissy for him but may instead have a brother. When asked how he would feel about that, he replied, "It would break my heart." We were in awe at the comment from a newly-turned 3 year old.

We are sincerely praying that God will bless our family with a little girl. While we were in Ukraine, the boys were consistently pushed at us and the age range was increased. God tells us to pray specifically and to ask for the desires of our heart, therefore we are praying for a healthy little girl under 36 months. I certainly don't want Ashton's heart broken!

Last Days in Kyiv

We are spending our last two days in Kyiv just exploring the city. It is an absolutely beautiful city. There is a huge underground mall that is very easy to get lost inside of - trust us, we've gotten turned around quite a few times. It seems like we are going to the market quite frequently for water - that's where we are headed next. We are trying to keep our groceries to a minimum (mostly water, bread, and ham). We did buy one bag of chips that we thought were barbeque but ended-up being bacon flavored - quite tasty, a shame that they are not marketed by Lays in the US.

We blend-in pretty well until we open our mouths and speak. We have learned to walk fast and plow ahead with the rest of the people walking around the street and in the tunnels under the roads. It is really neat how people have twins across the world. Yesterday, we saw a man who looked like Bud Miller walking across the road from TGI Fridays. At the orphanage, the senior medical assistant looked, walked, and had mannerisms just like Christy Moore who used to attend Northside. We both looked at each other and smiled when seeing these people because we were thinking the same thing - twins across the world!

Now, off to find some lunch and back to the apartment. I am totally out of books to read, so I'll be ready to head to the library when I get back home. Jason has found a channel that is totally in Ukrainian but shows scary murder movies - he is fascinated with the shows and has been watching the channel for going on 2 days now.

Oh, Jason isn't feeling very well today, so please pray for him. It has been cold here, so I think he is getting a cold.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

What to Expect the 2nd Trip

For all of you wondering, this is what Yuri told us to expect during the second trip:

When Yuri contacts us again, he will have information about the child that the SDA has selected for us. We should not have to be concerned about significant health delays because the second appointment is structured so that you are pretty much guaranteed a child who matches your request. If the child is not adopted at the second appointment, then that's it - no more chances to see another child. This is the reason for the delay between appointments because the SDA is supposed to match you with a child (seems like this is the way it should have been on the first appointment, but then again no one asked us how the system should operate). If Yuri determines that the child is a good fit, then he will contact us and offer us the opportunity to visit. At this point in time, we may have anywhere between one and three weeks to prepare to travel. Can you just imagine how much we will run around during this period of time? At least we will be able to prepare somewhat for the child and not come home and have to do nothing but run and try to buy clothes and pull-ups or diapers. The room can be ready as well (more gender specific and not just green and white).

Yuri said that another area to pray about is that the child be located in a region in which the 10 day waiting period can be waived. After court, there is a 10 day waiting period in which the child remains in the orphanage and we will visit each day - a lot of time to read and twirl our fingers. In some regions, this period can be waived, however this only happens in 5% of adoptions. Still, God is good!

We were told to expect to be in region anywhere from 4 to 5 weeks on the next trip. It is possible to get everything done in 3 weeks but that can prove very challenging. At least with the later appointment, maybe the new child and Ashton won't be as close together in age.

Now, a recap of prayer requests:
1. Health little girl under 36 months
2. 10-day waiting period be waived
3. VERY quick in-country stay

Please pass these prayer requests along to all prayer warriors. We have definitely felt the hand of God on us throughout this adventure. Next trip, we will know more what to expect, so hopefully we can relax a little more and enjoy the ride (hopefully a smooth trip and not a roller-coaster like this trip!). Honestly, we are sad that we won't be flying home with a little one on Thursday, however we are excited about the child that God has waiting for us. I have read the blogs of so many other families who have had to wait for a second appointment and each one has stated that they wouldn't change a thing because had they received a good referral the first time, they would not have the child that they love as their own now.

We know God is still in control and just because we are coming home empty-handed per se now, our hearts are full and our hands won't be empty too terribly much longer! One thing is for sure, this trip has taught us what it truly means to be in a situation that only God can control, what it truly means to love and be loved, and the power of prayer.