Our Ethiopian Adoption Blog

We're moving!

Our new blog can be followed by following this link: http://reedadoption.blogspot.com/

We hope you will continue to follow our journey and see what awesome experiences God has planned for us next!

Thank you for all the support and prayers! For those of you who have found your children - CONGRATULATIONS! For those of you who are still searching - hang in there because God has a plan!

Talking with Ashton

Many of you have asked if Ashton knows about the failed Ukrainian adoption, how we told him, and what his response was - well, once again, God paved the way for us.

Because Ashton is only 3 1/2, we tried to be very careful with how we explained where we're at in the adoption process. As we were tucking him into bed on Saturday, April 12, we began reading a new adoption book about a little baby being adopted from Korea, and Ashton began asking questions again about when his sissy would be coming to America. We told him that right now, we are still looking for sissy. We related our quest to a game of hide and seek. We told him that we went to Ukraine because we thought sissy was there but we couldn't find her so know we are going to a new country, Ethiopia, to see if she's there. We went into the playroom and talked about where Ethiopia is located on the map. You should hear him say "Ethiopia" because he tries so hard but the enunciation isn't quite right yet but he is so proud of himself when he says it. One thing about it, by the time we find his sissy, he will know more about geography than a lot of adults!

A few days later, Ashton and I (Erica) were talking about Ethiopia and once again, he pointed directly to the country on the map. I asked him how he knew where his sissy was hiding (remember the hide and seek analogy) before Daddy and I knew, and he stated, "God told me". Now, if only God was that direct with us - or maybe He is and we just don't always recognize His voice.

This is Ashton pointing to Ukraine - the first stop while playing our adoptive game of "hide and seek".

Moving on - to Ethiopia!

Just to update you on where we're heading next in search of our daughter - Ethiopia!

We are very excited about this new journey and are looking forward to what God has in store for us next! We're going to establish a new blog for this new journey, so when it is up and running, I'll post a link for those of you who are interested in following the next portion of our adoption journey.

Right now, we ask for your continued prayer and support. We are at total peace with our decision, however I will say that the devil is working overtime to try to take away our joy. We are facing negativity from some individuals because we are pursuing another international adoption and/or that we are now adopting a child of another skin color. Although for some people, race is not an issue but the mere fact that we "didn't learn from our last experience that we need to adopt one of 'our own'" ranks a close first for the rudest comments. For those who are saying cruel and thoughtless comments, I have a suggestion - read your Bible and examine your hearts because God loves each and every person equally. If you can't love someone just because of the color of their skin or citizenship, then it's time to examine your own heart because the fruit you are bearing makes the rest of us wonder if Christ is truly living within you.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Psalm 68:5-6

The Ukrainian Journey is Over

Well, our Ukrainian journey is over. We officially withdrew from the program on Thursday, April 10. We are at peace and have accepted that it is not God’s will for us to find our child in Ukraine. We don’t understand why God opened so many doors and led us to Ukraine; however we are trying not to question Him. As difficult as the last year has been, our lives have been changed for the better. Our relationship with God, our marriage, and our family as a whole have been strengthened. While overseas, we were able to share our faith several times, so hopefully seeds for Christ were planted and those of you coming behind us may be the ones that God is going to use to water those seeds!

When we spoke with our family coordinator on Wednesday, she urged us not to proceed with Ukraine. In fact, she stated that it is the agency’s position that Ukraine is so unstable and unpredictable that they are encouraging all the families to withdraw from the program. We will be reimbursed for a portion of our expenses and then fees paid to our agency can be applied towards other programs – once again, God is good!

The SDA is de-registering all families who have expired documents - regardless of whether or not they have been updated. We were told by the SDA that we could submit again but that we probably wouldn't get another appointment until 2009. Frankly, we never want to step foot back in Ukraine again. It is appalling that a government can be so corrupt and literally hold hundreds, if not thousands, of healthy children hostage by never giving them a chance at a loving family. Our hearts hurt for these children, but there is nothing else that we can do. We will never forget our heart wrenching experience visiting the orphanage or the horrific lies that we were told by the SDA. We pray that God will intervene on behalf of the orphans and open doors so that they can find forever families.

We are very relieved to have closure to this journey. Don’t misunderstand us because we would have loved nothing more than to be united with a child, however we know that God has other plans in store for our family. It’s really amazing how He works.

When we started this journey to Ukraine, our country choices were very limited because I (Erica) had been diagnosed with mild cardiomyopathy – my heart was weakened primarily due to child birth. I began medication and changed my diet and my condition began to improve. Last July (not even a year after my initial diagnosis), my heart was scanned and amazingly enough, my heart was stronger than that of the average person. My cardiologist was floored because he said that there is no medical explanation for the improvement. Today, my heart is still just fine and I no longer carry the diagnosis of mild cardiomyopathy. If we were to have another biological child, then there is a risk that my heart could be affected again – that’s a risk that we are not willing to take.

The country that we would have chosen over Ukraine (our options were Ukraine, Russia, and Ethiopia) was Ethiopia, however the program was brand new and our agency wanted to be able to gain experience before stating that my medical condition would not be a problem. Well, that was Sept. 2006 and it’s now April 2008 and guess what – we’re eligible for Ethiopia because God healed me! Once again, isn’t God good! The program is operating smoothly and it looks like that is where we may be headed next (we are carefully considering our options)!

If I had not been inflicted with the medical condition, we would not have begun the adoption journey at this stage in our lives. This condition led us to follow God’s will in adoption (thereby getting our attention and opening up our heart to adoption) and because Ukraine allowed us to submit our dossier, we entered the arena of international adoption. It may very well be that God allowed the medical condition and the failed Ukraine adoption only to heal me and lead us to Ethiopia. I guess we’ll wait and see what path He leads us down this time.

We have been very careful not to mention any of this to Ashton because he is having such a difficult time with the whole adoption experience. We have not talked about any latest development at all with him present in the house. Well, on Thursday morning when he woke-up, the first thing that he asked was where his sissy was. I told him that God was still getting sissy ready to come to America. He hopped off the bed and said that he would show me where his sissy lives. We went to the playroom and he grabbed his pointer for the map. He knows exactly where America and Ukraine are located, however he pointed directly at Ethiopia and said, “My sissy lives there.” If I had not been leaning against the wall, I think my knees would have buckled. How did he know that we were even considering Ethiopia? This may have just been a random point; however for me it was taken as a sign that God is still working His plan.

You know, God always knows what He's doing because He prepares us in advance for what is to come in our future. His leading us to our church, Northside Baptist Church, is just one way in which He exhibited this. In our previous church, there was not any adopted children and certainly no children of mixed races or other ethnic groups. At Northside, the congregation is a blend of races and color is not an issue. We love each other as a family - isn't that the way God intended for humanity?

We haven’t decided 100% on Ethiopia yet because we are also considering all our options (including domestic adoption), but I will tell you that we are very heavily leaning in that direction. We have contacted a local agency about domestic adoption and are trying to learn as much as possible about the program. One specific prayer request is that if God is leading us in the direction of domestic adoption that He open our hearts and minds to how much interaction we will have with our child's birth parents. We do not intend upon keeping the adoption from our child, however we want to make sure that our child learns all the details of his or her story when he or she is ready (age appropriate). We're struggling with how we would deal with having a relationship with the birth parent and whether or not the child may be confused because of having two sets of parents. By having information and occasional contact with the birth parents, will the child benefit by having pieces of life's puzzles that would not be available if there was not contact with the birth parents? Ultimately, we want to do what is best for a child - even if that is uncomfortable for us. There are a lot of aspects to consider, so we truly covet your prayers.

For those of you who know Ashton, please do not mention the recent events to him. He really, really wants a sister and is having a very difficult time with the tedious process. We will sit him down very soon and explain things to him (as best as we can because he's only 3), but right now we do not want to play with his little mind or his heart. Please be considerate of his emotions and needs.

Your continued prayers are appreciated. The support of each of you – whether we know your name or not – has been overwhelming. We thank you for following our journey to Ukraine and back and hope that you will continue to follow our journey to find our child.

Any Prayer Warriors Out There?

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"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6

"Stop telling God how big your storm is...
Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is."
Author unknown

There are many of us who need to be reminded that God is in control and has a plan. For our family, His plan has yet to unfold and Satan is working overtime to encourage us to focus on our circumstances instead of on the strength of our God.

Right now, we are very, very concerned about the likelihood of our being united with a relatively healthy child under the age of 4. The latest news out of Kiev certainly isn't encouraging. It's so hard to understand why so many of us have spent hours upon our knees praying, a significant amount of money, and traveled half-way across the world just to reach a dead-end road.

For us, the decision to adopt was made after a lot of prayer - did I mention A LOT of prayer. We earnestly prayed that God would direct us as to which country we should pursue, and all around us doors closed and we were directed to Ukraine (just to name a few of our "wake-up and listen to Me moments": from Ukrainian clients walking into my office, to our nurse practitioner having worked in Ukraine's orphanages, to episodes of Mr. Roger's that educated us about Ukraine). As horrible as our in-country experiences were last November, we are ready to return for our child.

The constant not knowing and no news is horrible. Friends and family try to be sympathetic but most really don't get it because they are familiar with programs like China and Guatemala and can't seem to grasp that the SDA meeting is a gamble because you never know what to believe and if the referral will be a match. We have good weeks and bad weeks - last week was busy and not a lot of time was available to think about the adoption. This week we haven't received very positive information about the current process and referrals available, and to top things off, Ashton wants his sister - badly.

How do we keep explaining to Ashton (he is almost 3 1/2) that God will bring him his sissy when the time is right? How do you console a sobbing little boy who is earnestly stating that he wants his sissy and that he loves her? It is heart wrenching to hear him poor his little heart out to God asking Him to bring his sissy to America. We have talked to Ashton and explained that God loves Julianna (that's the name we have at least temporarily picked-out) and that He is protecting her. We don't know what else to do, and it is killing us to see how affected he is by the grueling process.

One thing that is amazing about the Internet is that it brings together people from all over the world who are facing the same or very similar situations. I feel as if many of us have become prayer warriors for each other. I would like to say thank you to each and every person who is praying for our family. Please pray specifically that we can have peace about this situation and that God will move in a mighty way in Ukraine. We are dealing with the decision to stay in the program or pull-out all together. Our hearts tell us that God can still perform miracles and that our child is waiting in Ukraine, however our minds tell us that we've taken about all we can stand and that there are other options out there for adoption. Please pray for direction for us.

Sometimes it helps to know who is out there praying, so if you don't mind, please post a comment so that we'll know we aren't alone. Also, your comments will help us to pray specifically for your family if you too are riding this adoption roller coaster.

Thank you.