Scripture for Adoptive Parents

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:24-26

Waiting Still - Maybe Friday?

We received a call from our agency today and was told that when Yuri arrived at the SDA today, he was informed a letter would be issued on Friday for families waiting for second appointments. At this time, it is unclear whether or not the letter will contain a second appointment date, information about specific children, or just general information about how the process will work. I'll guess we'll just have to wait and see what Friday brings.

Please say specific prayers for families waiting for 2nd appointments. According to the SDA, if we are not shown matching referrals at our next appointment, then our adoption journey comes to end and we will return to America without a child.

"Come back tomorrow," says the SDA.

I couldn't wait any longer, so at 4:10 p.m. I called Kate, our contact at America World. She said that Yuri had contacted her earlier today and informed her that when he arrived at the SDA, he was told to come back tomorrow for a meeting. Yuri stated to Kate that he expects to have some answers to our many questions tomorrow. In the meantime, it's back to waiting - notice I didn't say "patiently waiting" because our patience is truly being tried right now. If we can find out a little more information tomorrow, then that should help sustain us a little bit longer.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some positive news! Thank you for your prayers!

Maybe Some News Today

Well, today Yuri is supposed to be going back to the SDA to inquire about the status of our adoption file. If you have been following our story, you are aware that we were family #91 to be sent home last year without a child. So far, the only other American family that we know of that has been sent home to wait for another appointment is the Hollands, which have turned out to be great friends of ours. They have truly been a blessing because we can relate to each other in a way that no one else can right now. From reading posts on Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption (http://www.frua.org/), apparently there are quite a few Germans who are waiting as well, but we haven't connected with any of them (yet anyway).

We haven't heard anything from our agency or facilitator except that the families who have had their second appointment are very happy with their referrals. Needless to say, we are very frustrated because we have tons of questions about what to expect, what number we are in line, will we will be traveling for a specific child, etc. Hopefully we will receive some news today.

For those of you who are in Ukraine right now or returned home and have had great referrals, we are very excited for you. We hope you realize how fortunate that you are because there are a many of us who feel forgotten and buried in an endless stack of paperwork. We are struggling with how assertive to be because we have experienced the dislike and poor opinion of Americans firsthand. The last thing that we want to do is anger the people who stand between us and our daughter, so there are very fine lines that must be adhered to. At the same time, we do not want to be quiet and just keep waiting without hounding our agency and facilitator. We have heard nothing but good from families (both using our agency and those going independent) about our facilitator, so I don't think he really has much to do with it. The problem with being too pushy is that we may get a bad referral and then it's all over with and we don't get a child and we have lost A LOT of money and are still childless. The SDA officials told us that two referrals is the limit, so what do you do and how hard do you push? In the US, we have totally different attitudes about the laws because they are designed (at least theoretically) to protect and serve us, whereas in Ukraine, people are to serve the laws - at least that is what we observed. One word sums up how we feel right now - FRUSTRATED.

Well, in the meantime, I am trying to do something to keep me busy besides reading blogs (this has proven to be an addiction). We enjoy reading the blogs, but for those of us who feel forgotten, they can also be very frustrating because people are receiving referrals for children on first appointments that those 125 families who are waiting would love to be shown. For those of you who are receiving those referrals, we don't begrudge you your children because in our hearts and minds we know that God has those children picked-out just for you and that it's just not our time yet, however it's not truthful to say that we don't wish that we weren't sharing in the excitement of finding a child. We would love to be able to share a meal with you in Kiev and finally meet you face to face!

Anyway, what am I doing in the meantime - decorating cakes. I'm actually pretty excited about the cake that I made over the weekend, so since I can't post pictures of our little girl, I thought I would post pictures of my cake. This is my first basketweave cake. I made the chicken using the 3-D duck pan. The right side of the head is a little flat at the top, but I still had fun creating it. The cake was made at the request of my parents who attended a Sunday School function on Saturday evening in which a games of dominoes known as "chicken scratch" was played. My dad gave my mom a hard time about trying to steal the show by bringing the cake. This was a definite first for me, so I was excited that my mother was excited about the cake. It thrilled her when it was placed on the table like a centerpiece. I'm just glad the dowel rods held-up and it didn't fall apart during transport!

White Japanese Bantam

Is it Friday yet?

I think this is just going to be a blah week. Will Friday afternoon ever come?

This morning, Jason woke me up to tell me that when he tried to start my car this morning, nothing happened. Of course, he had to get to Nissan and didn't have a lot of time to deal with a dead battery. My dad just retired, so he was able to help me out after a short call this morning. Does a girl ever get too old to dial 1-800-Daddy? Don't get me wrong, Jason is quite capable of taking care of the situation, but he had to get to work and my dad didn't mind jumping me off. It ended-up that a cell was dry, so $98.00 later my Explorer had a new battery and I headed to work.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent some time helping a colleague draft a cry for help to our fellow members of the legal community. Last year, a little baby was born with only a brain stem because her mother chose her drugs over the life of the child growing inside her womb. Even today, the mother is on the street and still choosing drugs over everything else. The rumor is that she may be pregnant again - please, dear Lord, do not allow her to conceive another child while she is still an addict. Anyway, this beautiful little girl's body is lying in an unmarked grave as if her precious little life didn't even matter. Mt. Olivet Funeral home graciously provided the burial services at only a minimal charge which was paid by the Tennessee Department of Children's Services, however the policies of our state do not allow for payment of a grave marker. We are pleading with our colleagues to help with the purchase of a simple marker for this little baby. Please pray that God will pull at the heartstrings of the businessmen and women in our community. This is our plea:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Bar,

Last year a newborn baby girl was immediately taken into State’s custody upon her birth because she was drug exposed and born with an immature brain with no additional features identified (meaning only a brain stem). To look at her physical appearance, she appeared to be developmentally perfect – that is, if you look past all the tubes connected to her tiny body. She lived only six weeks. Her little body is buried at Mt. Olivet Cemetery. Mt. Olivet Funeral Home graciously forgave the funeral expenses except for the minute amount that had to be paid for the opening and closing of the grave and necessary personnel involved in the burial which was paid by the Tennessee Department of Children’s Services. She never lived a playful life that our children enjoy. She never knew the love of parents. She doesn’t even have a grave marker bearing her name…but together we can change that and help to provide at least a little dignity to her life that so abruptly ended.

Please consider donating at least a small amount towards the purchase of a bronze marker for her burial plot. Pursuant to the policy of Tennessee Department of Children’s Services, a grave marker is not an approved item that is payable by the State of Tennessee. Mt. Olivet Funeral Home is willing to provide a marker for a significantly reduced rate, if we can raise at least $1,000.00. This amount will purchase a very simplistic marker that will provide her name, birth date, and date of death. The anniversary of her death is March 25, 2008, therefore it would be very meaningful if the marker could be placed upon her grave on or before that day. Please consider how much you can donate – even the smallest amount is appreciated. What if this was your child or grandchild? Let’s make sure that this little baby is remembered and that her life, however brief, is honored.

In God’s Hands

“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in My name welcomes Me…” Mark 9:37

One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when you wake-up in a very bad mood and can't seem to shake it? Well, that's the way I (Erica) feel today. I can't explain the cause and don't understand it, but the fact is today is one of those days when I'm just having a hard time.

The morning started with the wearing of a new pair of control top panty hose. Ever buy the same size that you always wear but when you put them on, they either come-up to your neck or are so small that they barely come-up to your hips? Well, the only pair I found in my drawer was an off-brand and ended-up being defective and barely came to my waist. To make matters worse, the top was cut in a slant so that one side came to my waist and then the other side was nowhere close to coming to my waist. I felt like a stuffed sausage, but I had to wear something. Now ladies, can any of you relate to this? I was so irritable and knew that I had to stop at Walgreens on my way to the office this morning. It was 8:30 a.m. when I pulled into Walgreens (after practically making Ashton run into his classroom) and ran into the store only to find that they were out of my normal brand and size....arggggggggg. I bought 3 pairs of a variety of types and prayed all the way to the Square that I would find a parking spot because I still had to change hose, grab my files, and make it to the 3rd floor of the courthouse by 9:00 a.m. One pair looked like I had been applying tan-in-a-can, and the other was a thigh high. Ladies, if you have the least little bit of pudge on your leg - don't try the thigh highs because they tend to roll down as the day progresses (definitely NOT a good thing). The third pair was put-on and of course, it was so large that the waistband was tucked underneath undergarments - I think you get the idea. Anyway, thank goodness for my new attorney badge because I didn't have to wait in the security line, so I made it to the courtroom with 5 minutes to spare!

The next 2.5 hours crawled by as I waited for my cases to be heard. Last night, I dreamed about the adoption and of course, woke-up wondering why we hadn't heard anything, so that is probably one source of my foul disposition today. As I sat there and listened to case after case about parents who were choosing drugs, alcohols, and permiscuous activity over their children, I felt my frustration grow. For those of us who have difficulty conceiving or can't safely carry a child to term, it is very frustrating to witness parents who seem to "pop-out" children and then not care a thing about them. When my cases were heard, I left the courtroom and headed away from the office for a breather and got out of my control top hose and heels. Now, if only I can shake this mood before I pick-up Ashton in the next 1.5 hours!

People are constantly asking, "Have you heard anything yet?" We are constantly saying, "Not yet." This is so frustrating. We read many blogs faithfully and are very excited when families "find" their child or children, however I will be honest in saying that it also hurts to know that we are still waiting and have heard practically nothing about our own case. For those of you who are in Ukraine now or have just returned, please continue to post about your journey because we are living through you right now. Your wonderful stories of how God formed or is forming your family is very encouraging to those of us who are still waiting to find our child. One day, in God's perfect timing, we too will be able to post about finding our child and how wonderful it is for our journey to come to a happy ending.

Well, maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe, just maybe, we will hear something from our agency and/or facilitator soon. In the meantime, I've got to remember this devotion:

Strength for the Wilderness

The Israelites had been traveling through the desert wilderness to the land of promise. The way was hot, sandy and rough; there was little water. But God had promised that He would guide them and provide for them. However, like many of us, they became discouraged. If only they had trusted God's promise that He who had supplied would continue to supply, instead of being discouraged they would have been encouraged. Discouragement turns to encouragement when we look away from our circumstances and focus our eyes on the Lord.

In 1 Samuel 30, we read about David in the midst of trouble. The Amalekites had burned Ziklag, his private property and residence, but David's distress drove him to the Lord. "But David found strength in the Lord his God" (1 Samuel 30:6). Someone has said, "To look around is to be distressed; to look within is to be depressed; to look up is to be blessed."

Today, our way may be through the wilderness. It may be easy to become discouraged. Discouragement is a tool of Satan. The story is told that Satan was "going out of business." All of his tools were offered for sale. They were attractively displayed on a table. What an array - hatred, envy, jealousy, deceit! One harmless-looking one, much worn, was priced higher than any of the others. "What is that tool?" someone asked. "Discouragement," was the reply. "Why is it so expenseive?" Satan answered, "Because it is more useful to me than any of the others."

Will our distress drive us to despair and discouragement or to God? May we, like David, find strength in the Lord our God.

---- Adapted from Women's Devotional Bible; author Millie Stamm

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

This morning, as I dropped Ashton off at daycare, he was so excited because today is "party day." Last night, I made cupcakes for his class, and he couldn't wait to give them to his friends. Call me crazy, but daycare and school parties are some of the things that I most looked forward to when I found-out I was going to be a mother. I just couldn't wait to bake cookies, decorate cupcakes, and just be an active classroom parent. Honestly, I think I was excited as Ashton with the way that the cupcakes turned out. I finished decorating and cleaning the kitchen just a little before midnight last night, so I was pretty tired however when Ashton climbed up so he could see them, his little expressions made all the work completely worth it. Throughout the night, he kept asking me "what you doing, Mommy", "are these for my friends", "they smell good", and of course, "I help". When he saw the finished project, he said, "Wow! I wuv you Mommy!" My heart melted right there, and I just had to reach out and hug him. I love my little man so much!

A few weeks ago, he asked if the Easter Bunny could bring him a Spider Man blanket for Valentine's Day?! I tried to explain that the Easter Bunny doesn't come until Easter, but he just wasn't getting it. Well, thankfully WalMart clearanced the Spidey blankets last week, so that will be his Valentine gift tonight.

I told Ashton this morning that when his daddy gets home tonight, he will receive his Valentine gift. Ashton wanted to know if it is was a "herkycopter" (aka helicopter for all of you who are not addicted to Jay Jay the Jet Plane and his friends). Ashton said that he wanted a real one that would fly him up in the sky. I explained that he wouldn't be getting a "herkycopter" but that he could ride in another one someday soon. He said, "otay" (aka okay) and hurried to dress for his party. Of course, he was supposed to wear pajamas today and bring his favorite bear to daycare. Ashton wouldn't hear of wearing his pj's because he said, "It not night night. Sun's up, morning's here". As for the bear, Ashton doesn't like many stuffed animals because his world revolves around aviation, so naturally he had to bring his stuffed Jay Jay the Jet Plane that talks and sings (sorry Mrs. Cindy but this will probably drive you crazy today). We loaded-up and off to daycare we went for a fun-filled day. I just hope the children enjoy the "Going Buggy Over You" cupcakes!

Here is a picture of the frog prince cupcake cake that I prepared at the end of last week for a pre-Valentine treat for Jason's co-workers at Nissan.

Have a wonderful day with your loved ones!

We're sending special kisses to Ukraine to our little girl - we're trying to find you and love you dearly!

Reflecting Back

The first part of this week, Jason and I began reflecting back over our first trip to Ukraine. There were a lot of tears, but there was a lot of laughter as well. Here are some of our adventures and/or stories:

• Once we returned to Kiev after visiting the orphanage, we stayed in Kiev from Monday through Thursday before returning back to the USA. We ate our last 3 meals at TGI Friday’s, so the staff was very friendly and became very accustomed to us. They loved to hear us speak, and we enjoyed eating there because it was wonderful to hear people speak English! When we left the restaurant on the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving, the hostess said, “See you tomorrow.” We just laughed and waved goodbye because it took us a moment to realize what she said. We died laughing when we got back to our apartment. We couldn’t wait to get back home to tell Jason’s mother about the comment because she thinks it’s awful that people eat at restaurants so frequently that the servers recognize their faces and know their names. For us, we were just thrilled to be treated kindly!

• When we arrived in Kiev, we were expedited through Customs like a whirlwind. We could barely understand the people who were motioning for us to follow them. One man was in such a hurry to get us through the airport that he even climbed into the tunnel where the baggage was coming through in order to search for our suitcase. It was like watching an episode of the "3 Stooges" as the man kept playing charades with us in order to determine whether or not he had found the right bag. The two words that he could say were "little tip" and he repeated it constantly. We were prepared to tip him, however Yuri told us not to worry about it because he was being compensated for all his efforts because we had paid for the VIP service. (Next time, we will tip that man because we felt horrible for not doing so because he worked hard trying to find our luggage!) We were met at the exit door by a young man that we only assumed was Yuri. He too hurried us out the door and then into a Honda. As we were getting situated in the car, Jason turned to me and said, "Is this Yuri?" How the heck was I supposed to know? I just laughed (it was that or cry) and said, "I guess we'll find out in a minute." We literally had to run to keep up with the men in the airport, so there really wasn't time to ask for identification.

• THE DRIVING: We knew we were in trouble when we trying to back out of the parking space at the airport and heard a thump. Calmly, Yuri said, "Accident?" (He meant a person, not necessarily a car!) Jason attempted to look out his snow covered window and said, "I don't see anyone on the ground on my side." YIKES! Yuri told us that he usually tells Americans to just close their eyes as he drives. People drive like maniacs and the horn is constantly being tooted. The craziest thing to see is how people just drive up on the sidewalks and park wherever there is spot (and sometimes where there really isn't a spot). After a while, you get used to having to dodge cars and constantly watching for someone to pull up over the curb and run over you. Insurance premiums must be out the roof over there!

• Our second night in the region, we stayed in a hotel that was very nice on the outside but the rooms lacked some things that we spoiled Americans take for granted – clean sheets and pillows! We had experienced an awful day at the orphanage and were emotional wrecks. Jason was ready for bed as soon as we got in the room, so he walked over and claimed a bed – the room contained two single beds bolted to separate walls. We were laughing because we said that the room looked like it belonged in a “Leave it to Beaver” episode. As we laughed, Jason pulled back his covers and quite loudly stated, “Oh my gosh!” There were hairs all in his bed and on the pillow. He sniffed the pillow and declared that it smelled like a man. I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Jason is a very serious person and is anal about cleanliness, so this discovery was a nightmare for him. He walked over to my bed and looked at my pillow. It seemed to make him feel better that my pillow also had hair on it. When we got ready to actually go to bed, I turned the light off then we just jumped into our respective beds and didn’t dare look under the covers. Even as I’m writing this, I am laughing because I can still see the look of terror on Jason’s face when he discovered the first hair!

• When we arrived at our first apartment, we were exhausted. We had great intentions to get to bed early and get a good night’s sleep on our last night in America, however that just didn’t happen. We couldn’t sleep on the plane because there were some orphans returning to Ukraine from a hosting program and they didn’t sleep – they talked and ran up and down the plane’s aisles for 10 hours. When we got settled into our apartment, we fell-out on our bed and slept for hours. Suddenly, we heard a bird singing and both of us sat straight up. We didn’t have a clue where we were or what the noise was. Jason ran to the phone and said, “Hello.” When we realized it wasn’t the apartment phone, I called Yuri on the cell phone to see if he was trying to reach us, but it wasn’t him either. We ended-up finding out that it was the doorbell! We don’t have a clue who was ringing the bell, but by the time we thought about the door, he or she had left. There’s nothing like waking-up all wild-eyed and disoriented in Ukraine!

• We couldn’t get over the dogs that run rampant. I was horrified to enter into the grocery store and say “excuse me” to the dog that was lounging in front of the grocery carts! The dogs in Kiev seemed harmless, however the dogs we saw while traveling in region seemed rather ferocious as they followed at people’s heels and tried to steal groceries from the elderly ladies. Hum, I guess that’s why the CDC website recommended a rabies shot!

• When we were boarding the train back to Kiev at 4:00 a.m., we each had a suitcase and a carry-on. Jason boarded first so that he could help me with my suitcase. He lifted it up and gave me his carry-on to put in the train car. I was getting shoved and fussed at, so I was trying to move along quickly before a riot broke-out. For those of you who have ever ridden a train in Ukraine, you know how pushy people get when boarding. My Ukrainian is very, very limited, however I know beyond a doubt that there were some 4-letter words spoken to me as I tried to get our luggage into the cabin. In all my haste, I forget about poor Jason and the 2 rather sizeable suitcases. I looked around, and he said, “Well, aren’t you going to help me? I’m getting killed out here!” For Jason, the train rides were the absolute worst parts of our trip. He was literally green both times. Let’s just say that on that morning, once we got settled, I cracked-up laughing but Jason was blowing steam out of his ears. We were just about an hour outside of Kiev when he finally took my hand and said, “It’s almost over.” It was that moment that I realized the absolute toll that the last week and a half had taken on him and it was at that moment, that I realized what an awesome husband God has given me!

• The most special thing that I remember and treasure from our trip was the time that Jason and I spent together. At home, we are so busy with work and family, that sometimes we don’t spend enough time together as a couple. This trip really helped us to reconnect. When adopting internationally, there are so many emotions that you experience, that unless you have traveled that path, you will never fully understand all that an adoptive family undergoes. Jason is not a person who freely talks about his feelings or shares his thoughts, so to go through the emotional roller coaster ride that we experienced brought out a lot of emotions and fears. I will never forget the taxi ride to the orphanage when we were so anxious to meet the girls or the look in his eyes when he told our facilitator that the little girls were adorable but that they were not our children. When he took my hand as we descended the steps leading from the orphanage, I will never forget the surge of love and of heartache that radiated from his body to mine. The prayers that were spoken, the tears that were shed, and the longing in our hearts for our new child cannot be explained. This adoption journey has brought our marital relationship to another level and certainly assisted in strengthening our relationship with Christ. If our road was bumpy for no other reason than this, then every heartache was worth it. Our family is closer than we ever thought possible and Christ is certainly in the center.

The Waiting Game

Well, there's not really any news to report, but we know that people are curious so we thought we would post an update. We have completely redone our dossier because most of our documents were going to expire on May 8, 2008. When I went to the Williamson County Clerk's office for the notary certification, a little lady almost ran me over in order to obtain a parking space. The lady at the desk wasn't too happy about assisting me, so she said that she was going to get the pregnant lady to help me because she did nothing but stay in the restroom all day. She literally went into the bathroom and retrieved the poor, about-to-pop clerk! Needless to say, I don't think the co-workers are bossom buddies. The lady who works at the Secretary of State is very polite and always asks for a status update. I guess it's a little sad that we've been up there so much but that's just the way the paperchase has gone for us. I have to make one more trip tomorrow to apostille 13 more documents and then we will be finished - hopefully. We've had the documents for almost 2 weeks, but my schedule just hasn't allowed me the chance to get them apostilled at the Secretary of State.

I e-mailed Yuri yesterday about a family who is wanting to adopt, so he responded today and gave me an update on our case. He stated that he went to the SDA this morning and inquired about our status. We still have a while to wait, but that's okay. We're actually getting pretty good at this waiting game. In the meantime, I am wrapping-up some cases at work and Jason is working more overtime to help pay for the additional costs of a second trip.

We are getting anxious, but we are definitely willing to wait if it means that we will get a good referall this time around. We are faithful to read the blogs posted on the right side of the screen. It is so uplifting to see God working all over the globe creating families. It's also amazing to know that we are praying for families that we will most likely never meet and that people are out there praying for us as well. Adoption is truly a miracle and has God's signature all over it!