Monday, January 28, 2008

Update on 2nd Appointments

I just received a call from Kate with America World with an update on how things are going over in Ukraine right now. Our facilitator, Yuri, reported to her that he has interacted with or has knowledge of several families who have just completed their 2nd appointment with the SDA. The reports so far are encouraging because families are receiving referrals that match their requests. Any "Amens" out there?!

There is still no news as to when we will travel again, but we are upbeat and positive. The peace that Jason and I have is actually quite overwhelming. We are both involved in new Bible studies at church and are learning to take one day at a time and let God mold us where we're at. We'll let you know when we hear anything else.

"The Lord reigns forever; He has established His throne for judgment. He will judge the world in righteousness; He will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord have never forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9: 7-10

Friday, January 25, 2008

"That boy breaks my heart," said Ashton

Last night, I was on the web reading blogs of other adoptive families. There are a lot of us out there with many, many different stories but the same desire - to find our child. There is one family's blog in particular that we follow with great commitment - Robert and Kelly Daniels. (http://youbelong.net/thedaniels)


Jason and I met Robert and Kelly in Nashville on November 10, 2007, when we all began our adoption journey. While we were sitting in the terminal waiting to board our flight to New York, I overheard Kelly tell an airport worker that they were flying to Ukraine to adopt a child. Of course, I immediately apologized for overhearing their conversation and then introduced myself. Once we landed in Kiev, we didn't know if we would see them again or not. Well, when we went to the region to visit the orphanage, guess who pulled-up on the other side of the parking lot - Robert and Kelly. We were in the car and had thought it was them but wasn't sure because they were bundled-up pretty good and in a hurry to get inside the orphanage. Next thing we know, our phone is ringing and our translator is asking us to come back inside because she had just met another family from Tennessee. At that moment, we knew for sure that the couple we saw was actually the Daniels.


Once we got inside and made our way back up to the orphanage director's office, we were able to spend a few brief moments together before they were taken to meet their son for the first time. I'll never forget the next few moments and their faces. We had already met the girls that we were referred and were trying to complete our referral rejection paperwork. Robert was very quiet and solemn while Kelly's face radiated anxiety. They were only gone moments, however when they climbed back up the stairs to the director's office, their faces were lit-up and they were smiling from ear to ear. Kelly was literally glowing. They had found their child! We were so excited for them. They began preparing for court and we returned to Kiev to prepare for our second appointment. Our paths never crossed again except over the Internet.


We made sure to keep-up with their journey by reading their blog faithfully. It had been awhile since any new posts, so we were pretty excited last night when we saw that there was a new post with pictures. Ashton recognized Nathan immediately because we have used the Daniel blog as a way of better explaining the adoption process to Ashton. Last night, he just kept staring at Nathan's pictures and not saying much (usually he constantly asks questions about Nathan, Ukraine, and his new parents). Ashton finally said, "That boy breaks my heart." When I asked him why, he stated, "Because he in 'Merica and my sissy is in Ukraine." At that point in time, Jason and I just looked at each other with tears in our eyes. We immediately started telling Ashton that he should be happy because Nathan has a mommy and daddy now and that when his sissy is ready to come to America, God will let us know and we will go get her. After a few minutes of talking, he was ready to see more of Nathan's pictures and was glad that he had come to 'Merica.


Some people may think that we have been too open with Ashton about the adoption, however we wouldn't do anything any differently. We want Ashton to understand why we have to go to Ukraine and where we're at when we are gone for weeks at a time. Even more importantly, we want Ashton to recognize that God's hand is at work and that God is taking care of our family - even his sissy across the world. One thing is for sure, when God calls a family to adopt, he places that desire in both the hearts of the parents and the children.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Sweetest Prayer

Well, Ashton has the flu. He had a flu shot this past October, but apparently the strand going around right now isn't the same as the one contained in the vaccination. One good thing is that by Ashton having received the vaccine, his symptoms have not been as severe as they probably would have been. His aunt, Leigh, calls him the "the germ" because we are all hoping and praying that we will not get sick after being around him. He has spent the entire week with his Pa Pa Tudor, so on top of our dealing with a sick child, he is also being spoiled rotten!


Last night, we were trying to get him tucked into bed with his head elevated when he insisted that he wasn't sick and didn't need two pillows under his head. He stated, "God made me better, Momma." After getting him settled, it was time to say our prayers. Ashton insisted that he pray tonight, so he squeezed his eyes shut and put his pudgy hands together. He sang his normal prayer and then asked God to "take care of my sissy and bring her to 'Merica fast." The next phrase is what captured my heart - "I love my sissy, God. Amen".


Just to update you, we haven't heard anything yet. I talked to Kate at America World last night and was told that she is going to speak with Yuri over the phone today. I asked her to please inquire as to how the appointments for families traveling for a second referral are going so far. As you are aware, the second appointments were scheduled to begin on January 14, 2008, so the SDA should be about to wrap-up 2 weeks of second trippers. Please continue to pray for all the families who are waiting to be united with their child.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Starting to Imagine Coming Back Home

Before we left for Ukraine at the end of last year, I would often try to imagine what our homecoming would be like. The odd thing is, in my mind's eye, I never could quite make it out of the terminal walkway and therefore found myself very frustrated. After our heart-wrenching experiences in Ukraine, it's been quite a while since I have even allowed myself to start thinking about our homecoming with our new child. Now, I don't seem to have those frustrations of not being able to imagine, and the excitement of adoption is returning - praise God! I don't really know what has changed - maybe it's my level of faith or maybe it's that our time is almost here and God is allowing me some insight on how wonderful that event will be. Whatever the reason, I know that my hope and excitement is returning and is much stronger than ever before.


In my mind's eye, my thoughts begin with our little girl waving goodbye to her homeland with tears running down all of our cheeks as we prepare to board the plane and head back to the good ole' USA. I have to laugh when my mind's eye takes me to the restroom on the plane - just how am I going to fit in those very tight quarters with a squirming baby or toddler? If I need to change diapers or pull-ups, how in the world am I going to manage that? I keep trying to figure-out that scenario, but so far I've not quite determined just how we are going to both be clean upon our exit - especially if we hit turbulence! When we left Kyiv to return home last November, I went to the restroom immediately upon our boarding, so I was the first person and it was then that I discovered that Delta does NOT make sure that the facilities are remotely cleaned before departing on a 10 hour flight!


When we reach Nashville, I imagine my carrying a little girl who is quite inquisitive yet very sleepy from such a long journey. Tears spring to my eyes as I focus on our family and friends who are anxiously waiting at the end of the long, rather poorly lit terminal. We see the signs and all the people, however our eyes are searching for the little boy who holds our hearts in his chubby little hand. Oh how we have anticipated the moment when Ashton meets his sissy for the very first time! At first, he acts very timid, then his curiosity is aroused as we state, "Ashton, this is your sissy." I can't wait to witness their first embrace as brother and sister and ours as a family of four!


As clearly as can be, I can imagine my niece, Hannah, as she approaches us and bends down to meet her newest cousin. She's only three but is full of compassion and love. By this time, Jason is holding our child and bending down so that the children can all see her. Hannah leans down with her little bottom sticking-out so that she can precariously place a kiss on her new cousin's cheek and place her chubby little arms around her neck. She giggles and says, "Hi. I love you."


Tyler, who will be 8 tomorrow, is very timid, yet has a grin on his face as he very quietly says "Hi" and throws-up his hand. His little brother, Trent, who is four just stands back and watches the scene. Trent is the type who stands back and observes before taking any action.


Oh, and Hailey, who will be almost 2, is trying to wiggle out of Denise's arms in order to explore the airport. When she realizes that there's another small person around, she comes to investigate and then reaches out to touch her new cousin's face.


My parents, grandmother, sister, and in-laws have tears streaming down their faces. Everyone wants a look at our child, however care is taken not to overwhelm her with hugs and passing around. People around us are staring but find their eyes filled with tears as well because love and thanksgiving is permeating the air around us. The next image takes my breath away because as a family, we bow our heads and thank God for a safe journey, and most of all, for answering prayers and bringing us all together as a family.


All this may sound so bizarre to you, but I'm a visual person so it is huge for me to be able to visualize this scene. When we left Ukraine last November, we left with a mixture of emotions from hurt to anger. There have been points when we have actually dreaded returning to Ukraine, however God has helped us move past these feelings and has brought us to the point in which we recognize that He has a plan and that we need to be humbled and to trust Him. By my being able to visualize our return home, in my heart I know that God is helping me to look forward to the future and to release the emotions wrapped-up from our first trip and preparing me for an awesome journey as a family of four.


"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:6

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Good News from Ukraine

Well, we got a call from Kate at America World. Apparently Yuri's meeting with the assistant director went relatively well. Of course, the SDA did not want to be confined to a timeline, but that response was expected. From what Yuri was told, when a child becomes available who matches our request, Yuri will be contacted and given information about the child. Yuri will then contact America World, who in turn will contact us, and then we will decide whether or not to accept the referral. At this time, it is not clear what will happen if we reject the referral, so we don't know whether or not we will be referred another child at a later time.


Basically this is the same method that we were initially told about, however over the last couple of weeks, it became apparent that the SDA was considering bringing all 125 waiting families back to Ukraine over a month and a half period to basically consider the same sick children that we were all shown before, so this is absolutely great news for us! We will feel a lot better about traveling for a child or children that we know at least something about. Once Yuri finds out about the possible child or children, then he can contact the orphanage and other facilitators who may have seen the child or children in an effort to gain more information about the true health conditions. Even if we do not specifically know which child we will be shown, at least we will have an idea of the conditions that we need to consider.


Of course, in Ukraine things can change at a moment's notice, however right now this is the way that the SDA plans on conducting 2nd appointments. Please, do not stop praying for Ukraine, SDA, the orphans, and all the families waiting for their children! God has definitely moved mountains, and we are positive that He won't stop now!

For some of you, it may seem like nothing really came of this meeting because we really don't have a timeline or guarantees, however if you went through the pain of meeting and then rejecting a child, then you would consider this method a huge improvement. Jason and I never want to go through the pain of our first orphanage visit again - the emotions we felt could never be fully explained or understood unless you too walked out a heavy metal door that banged behind you, knowing that for some children they will age-out of the system and never know how wonderful childhood can be. We will NEVER forget those children and the longing in their eyes to be loved and to have a real family. Although they were not the children for us, it broke our hearts to reject the referral.

Yuri did state that after reading our letter, the SDA can better understand our request not to be invited until a child is available. Hopefully, the next trip will be significantly more productive and heart-warming (not heart-wrenching) than the last! Actually, I am beginning to get excited about returning. The translator at the SDA said that Kyiv is beautiful in early spring, so maybe we will find out soon!

Daily Bible Reading

My Bible devotion for today was about adoption and trust - imagine that. God never ceases to amaze me as to His perfect timing. Here are some of the key verses for today:


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13


"My son, do not forget My teaching, but keep My commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sign of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3: 1-6


The author's beginning words:
"Trust is such a lovely word in a world thoroughly self-indulged and complicated. It is quiet. Simple. It represents freedom. Rest. Letting go...Most of us are too busy and noisy to hear the 'still, small voice.' To identify it. To trust in its power above our human strivings."


The author's final words:
"Let go completely. Trust. Live with it all in an open hand before God. Jesus promises He WILL work it out. I do believe for you, always....a new sunrise."
(Taken from Women's Devotional Bible; Author: Ann Kiemel Anderson 1990)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Patiently Waiting - Well, trying to be patient

We want to thank each and every person for your prayers - especially yesterday and today. We still haven't heard anything from America World, and believe me, it's all I can do not to call them. I have checked my e-mail constantly all morning, but no messages. There have been a lot of hits on our blog this morning, so I know people are wondering. I promise that as soon as we hear any news about today's meeting at the SDA, I will post. In the meantime, for me it's back to praying.


UPDATE as of 5:00 p.m. on 01/09/08:
We just received an e-mail from Kate at America World that stated that she did not hear from Yuri today. Kate said that she suspects that the meeting was postponed because Yuri is always very good to provide updates. She is going to call him in the morning, so in the meantime, back to praying (as if any of us ever stopped). We'll update you when we know more!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

HUGE NEWS - Need Prayers Immediately

We just received an e-mail from Kate at America World. She said that Yuri had a meeting today with one of the staff psychologists (these are the people who share profiles of children with the families). He was told that the SDA wants to invite families requesting younger children for a second appointment when there are children available who match the families' requests. More than likely, invitations would be for an appointment in February or later. Bear in mind, that in Ukraine, procedures change constantly, so please pray that families are in fact invited only when children are available.


THIS IS HUGE - PLEASE PRAY DILIGENTLY:
Tomorrow, Yuri has a meeting scheduled with the Deputy Director of the SDA to discuss our family's situation. He will present the Deputy Director with our letter and our family photo album in an effort to personalize the discussion. We are not expecting to receive a specific appointment date tomorrow, but we are expecting to obtain clearer answers about how the second appointment process will work. The meeting is scheduled for 3 pm in Kiev, so 7 am Central time. Please, take a moment to pray specifically for this meeting.


Our Prayer Requests:
  • That God will go ahead of us and prepare the way for an awesome and uplifting meeting with the Deputy Director and other officials involved.
  • That clear and honest answers will be given to Yuri.
  • That we will receive an accurate timeline for the appointment.
  • That God will direct the SDA to present us with the child that He has chosen for our family without hassle and turmoil.
  • That we will be united with our new child very, very soon.
  • That the new officials at the SDA will truly care about the welfare of the children and work vigorously to match families with appropriate children.

Ultimately, the process that we would like to see implemented is that families are told in advance which child the SDA is inviting them to visit (this would work very much like programs in other countries where families receive health and other information prior to traveling), however we are well aware that this adoption is orchestrated by Christ and that His plan is best. Please pray that all things will go according to God's will and that when it's all said and done, He will receive all the glory and honor. We may never know why our adoption journey has been so difficult, but we will always know that no matter how big the roadblock, God demolished it!

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him"

1 Corinthians 2:9

No News

Everyone is asking the same question, "Have you heard anything yet?" The answer is no. Last week, the official offices were closed for New Years and then Orthodox Christmas was celebrated yesterday, so Ukraine is slap-dab in the middle of the holidays. Technically, the government is supposed to reopen today (01/08/08), however we were told that like most of us here in the US, many people take-off the entire week of Christmas. We really aren't expecting to hear anything until next week sometime.

At this point, we don't even know whether or not our letter was submitted yet. I contacted Kate at America World the end of last week, and she stated that she had e-mailed Yuri about this very topic because she couldn't tell from his e-mail whether or not he had been able to submit our letter before holiday shutdown. We'll just keep on praying!

On Saturday, Jason and I went to the doctor in order to re-do our medical testing. We had to be tested for syphilis, Hepatitis, HIV, and TB. Last time, it took a week or so for the results to come-in, however when we went yesterday to have our TB test looked-at, the results were in! We also requested our updated criminal background check yesterday, so we expect those results next week. Fortunately, the people at the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation are usually pretty quick with the checks and are VERY cooperative with getting it notarized and mailed in a timely manner! It looks like things are moving right along with having to re-do documents for our dossier, so once again - GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Gifts from our "Ukrainian Blessing"

While Jason and I were in Ukraine in November, we purchased traditional Ukrainian items to give as gifts to our family members for Christmas from our new "Ukrainian Blessing". By the way, since we don't yet know the name of our new child, we call him or her our Ukrainian Blessing. For the grandfathers, we purchased hand-painted dresser boxes and for the ladies of the family, we purchased matryoshka dolls. Even though we haven't been united together as a family, we still wanted to give the gifts and have special prayer for our child across the world. The following is the letter that came with the gifts:

Dear (Family Member's Name),

I know you haven’t seen my face yet or even know my name, but I know you love me just the same, and I love you. So far, all of my memories are of my caregivers and other children in my groupa, however all my hopes and dreams are of you – my family. Every night, I go to sleep praying for a family and wake-up wondering if today will be the day when I meet my very own Momma and Papa. Throughout the day, I play with my friends, however I keep an eye on the door waiting for the orphanage director to call out my name, lift me into her arms, and introduce me to my very own family. I wonder what my Momma and Papa look like or if I will have a brother or sister to play with? I like playing with my friends here and will miss them a lot, but it makes me sad not to have a family of my very own. I wonder if I will have my own room with a warm bed and more toys than I could ever play with? Most of all, though, I just want to be loved and kissed forever!

My groupa room is clean and has lots of toys and my caregivers are friendly, but my heart longs for my own family. I want a real family with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a dog! When we meet one day soon, and we will meet soon, I hope you aren’t disappointed in me. I’ll probably be shy and won’t be able to understand what you are saying because I speak Ukrainian, however I’ll open-up soon and will learn English very quickly. I just can’t wait to be a part of a real family!

Sometimes at night, I find myself cold, sad, and wishing that my Momma and Papa would hurry-up and come for me. My caregivers are very busy taking care of all my friends, so they don’t always have time to comfort me. Some nights, I cry inside because I know that sobs and tears falling down my face don’t help any and only make me hiccup. Don’t worry though, my very special Friend is always there to dry my eyes and hold me through the night.

My special Friend is the only man that I have ever seen. At first, He scared me because I didn’t know who He was, where He came from, or if He was friendly or mean. He doesn’t scare me anymore, though, because He comes to my bed every night and holds me until the sun comes up the next day. He’s still there if I wake-up after a bad dream, and He always tells me that He loves me. Come to think about it, He’s the only person who has ever told me that He loves me. I like to hold His hand while I try to go to sleep. His hand looks funny because He has a scar on it. When I asked Him about it, He said that sometimes love hurts and that one day I would understand. I thought it was a funny answer, but I didn’t ask any more questions because I just wanted to know when I was going to get a Momma and Papa. I ask about my Momma and Papa a lot, and my Friend always tells me that they are coming but I must be patient because He has a very special family picked-out for me and that they are trying really, really hard to find me.

Since I can’t be there with you to celebrate Christmas, I want to be sure that I give you a gift from my homeland. I know that when I become a part of your family, I will leave Ukraine, and although I am excited about living in America one day, I will always love my country because this is where I was born. Very special to my culture are hand-painted matryoshka dolls and hand-painted dresser boxes. I have picked-out a very special gift for you that I hope you enjoy very, very much. Each time you look at it, please say a prayer for my country and me. I hope that we can meet very, very soon! Each night, I ask my Friend to take care of you and to make us a family – I know I can depend on Him to take care of me because He tells me every night that no matter where I live, He will go with me and still be my Friend. Maybe one day, you can meet my Friend too and help me thank Him for making us a family!

Love,


Your Ukrainian Blessing

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Our 5th Wedding Anniversary


On December 28, 2007, Jason and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. We took Ashton with us to see Opryland's ICE exhibit which is based upon "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas". This was one of the best shows ever because of the extensive use of color. My favorite part is the end where you walk into a large room featuring Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. Regardless of the theme, Opryland always concludes the show with a scene reflecting the birth of Jesus Christ - pretty awesome if you ask me!

When Jason proposed in 2001, he chose to do so at Opryland Hotel. The night was perfect. It was the first year for the ICE show and the Rockettes, so we had tickets to both. After the shows, we walked through the hotel and enjoyed all the decorations and gardens. I saw Jason bend down and thought that he was having trouble with his shoelace, so I sat down on a bench to wait for him. I was busy looking around and next thing I know, he's in front of me holding a black box. Oh, by the way, Jason didn't realize how deep his jacket pocket was, so he had a hard time getting the box out, that's what took him so long. He later said he felt dorky down on his knee with strangers gawking, but for me it was a moment I will never forget! Well, you might say that the rest is history, however each year during December, we always try to make it back to Opryland and enjoy all the festivities.

Waiting to hear from Ukraine

After Yuri met with Ukrainian adoption officials on Dec. 24, 2007, we were informed that we needed to write a letter to the SDA requesting that we not be invited back to Ukraine unless there is a child meeting our request available for our consideration. What should be a simple letter really was difficult to write because we were told to make it personal and give specific detail as to why we were making such a request. Prior to writing the letter, Jason and I reminisced about our experience at the orphanage and tried to decide how personal the content should be. Yuri received the letter last Friday and was supposed to go to the SDA this past Monday (Dec. 31), but we haven't heard anything from him yet. With New Years and Christmas (Ukraine celebrates in January), the offices are more than likely closed this week and next week, so we are not expecting to hear from him. In all actuality, Yuri may not have been able to secure an appointment with the SDA director on Monday, so our letter may not be submitted yet. Please continue to pray that God will open all the doors that lead to our child and make the rest of our journey smooth traveling! If we do not receive a good referral at this point in time, then our adoption journey will end without our receiving a child. We're trying not to focus on the negativity but instead focus on praising God for how He is working in this matter, so please pray that we can keep our focus on Him and not on all the turmoil.