Add This To Your Reading List

After having traveled to Ukraine in November and experiencing such a disappointing first appointment, when I read about this book, I had to have it. No matter how many seminars you attend on international adoption or how well versed you think you may be on what to expect - NOTHING prepares you for the SDA appointment and then the meeting with the child or children. You will be rapidly told about files and diagnoses will be thrown at you as if you are medical dictionary or textbook. The psychologist will look at you and say, "So which one do you want to visit?" and then stare at you as if she wants an answer immediately (just so you'll know, she does expect an immediate answer). If you've been following many blogs at all, you know that the SDA file provides little information on the children and much of it more than likely is not accurate because the file has not been updated. When you visit a child, you have to know what to look for and it certainly helps to be educated so that when you are a complete wreck and your emotions are running high, you can make a good decision about whether or not to accept a referral.

Risk and Promise: A Handbook for Parents Adopting a Child from Overseas

Authors: Ira J. Chasnoff; Linda D.Schwartz, Ph.D.; Cheryl L.Pratt, Ph.D; and Gwendolyn J. Neuberger, M.D.

Adoption lawyer's observations, August 11, 2007 (as posted on Amazon.com): Next June I will have been working in the adoption field for forty years. I am a Fellow of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. I believe this book is a MUST for anyone contemplating a foreign adoption and should be considered by anyone adopting a child, foreign or domestic. It contains critical information to be considered in accepting a placement.

Too often I have seen adoptive parents make emotional decisions which they later regretted. If one has made the caring decision to adopt a special needs child and rationally evaluated the impact on the family and themselves as adoptive parents, then I encourage the adoption. However, when one is in a foreign environment, exhausted, anxious to get back home, then prospective parents can make poor decisions and rush into an unsuitable placement.

This book discusses the health hazards, what to look for in a child and provides basic information to help in evaluating the placement. Dr. Chasnoff is a champion in helping parents and children. I am very grateful for the articles he has written and the experience and wisdom he has shared with me, my colleagues and adoptive parents. I highly recommend this book. I am recommending my clients buy and read it.

This book can be purchased for $14.95 by clicking on:

http://www.amazon.com/review/product/097077625X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?%5Fencoding=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

A Little Boy's Prayer

Just when we thought we were coping, Ashton begins pleading with God for his sissy to come to America SOON. At home, we haven't really been talking about the adoption for the last couple of weeks because we are really discouraged. As you know from my previous post, Jason and I are trying to focus on our life as it is right now and just enjoy each other. Well, that technique doesn't seem to be working for Ashton. For the last several nights, this is how his prayers have been going:

"God, please make Mommy feel better. Please let Mommy and Daddy go get Sissy and bring her to 'Merica and to me. God, please let Mommy and Daddy go to Ukraine and get Sissy now and bring her to 'Merica and bring Mommy and Daddy back to me. Thank you for Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, Batman, Wonderwoman, and Hawkgirl. Amen."

Now, my prayer is that God will answer my little boy's heartfelt prayer for his sissy.

Do you ever find yourself asking "why"?

This past week has been less than enjoyable - I (Erica)have been sick with either a wretched stomach virus or a parasite. After being sick since Thursday of last week, I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning and registered a blood pressure of 84/58...it's a wonder I didn't pass out in the lobby. After lots of blood work and IV with fluids, I'm back to work today for the first full day since last Thursday. The doctor still has to call me back with the blood work results to determine whether or not it was an actual parasite, but I can tell you that there is a certain restaurant in town that I will not eat another salad at again (this is where the doctor thinks I may have picked-up the parasite)! I still don't feel so great but no work means no money when you're self-employed!

Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, my thoughts kept traveling across the skies and back to Ukraine. For some of you who are following other adoption blogs, you may have read about the family who was amazingly granted 3 appointments and still returned home without completing their adoption. This is scary for those of us who are sitting at home waiting to travel - whether it be for a 1st appointment or a 2nd. We received a letter from Ukraine last week that stated that as of October of 2007, families would only be allowed 2 appointments and that there were no relatively healthy children available under the age of 6...very distressing, to say the least. I can't help but wonder why that family had received 3 appointments and still returned childless. My heart goes out to them greatly. I know firsthand what it is like to return home without a child, however at least we still have a chance to find our child but they do not. It's so mind-boggling as to why some people seem to have great appointments and then others have such horrible experiences. I know we're not supposed to question God, but sometimes we do - at least I find myself asking "why".

Before Jason and I began dating, we had both reached a point in our lives that we were content with living life as just Jason/Erica and God. It was at that point, that God chose for our paths to cross and love to blossom. Maybe that's what my family needs right now, to just be content with it being God, Jason, Erica, and Ashton. God has blessed our family tremendously, and at times during this rather complicated adoption journey, it has been easy to get so consumed by wanting another child that maybe God is trying to get us (or at least me) to stop and realize what a wonderful child that we have already been blessed with. Don't get me wrong, I love Ashton with all my heart and so does Jason, but sometimes it's easy to take one another for granted. This morning, Ashton woke-up early and crawled into our bed while Jason got ready for work, and as I was holding him and feeling the beat of his heart within his chest, I stopped and thanked God for the wonderful son that He has already given me. I can tell you this, after having been separated from Ashton for 12 days while we were in Ukraine last November, leaving him here will be even harder next time because we already know how horrible it is to be apart.

Another week has come and gone and still no word from Ukraine, but I can honestly say that that's okay. One day, we will receive a call that God is ready for us to return to Ukraine. Until that day comes, I am going to try to focus more on growing as a family and moving-on with daily living. Jason asked me earlier in the week to please not tell him any more about families receiving referrals because it only causes him anguish because we are still at home waiting. For me, I find reading about the journey of other families as a type of support group. I guess we all cope with situations differently. For right now, we are trying to learn to be content where we're at in life and know that God is in control of our lives - especially the adoption.

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6

"The Broken Road"

I found this adoption video and thought it was perfect for all of us who are struggling with international adoption. The journey is definitely not for the weak or weary. Time after time, I have to keep reminding myself that God's timing is always perfect and that He is in complete control of our journey. One day, maybe we'll understand why our adoption road has been so full of consuming "potholes" For the Eimer family, the day came when God revealed to them why their journey had such a rocky beginning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcVtGEk2WYc

And...we wait again

This was our e-mail from our family coordinator:

Yuri did not receive an invitation for you yesterday. He has however talked further to the staff at the SDA and they said they are working on invitations for all second appointment families. He expects that you will be invited for April, possibly March, and that we will likely have notification of an appointment date next week.

This is really pretty good timing for us because Jason receives 2 more weeks of vacation on April 1st - that means he will get paid some of the time that we are in Ukraine! He already used vacation time when we were there for 12 days in November, so this is truly a blessing. We'll keep you posted once we hear from America World with travel specifics.