The love and support that we have experienced throughout this adoption experience has been and continues to be absolutely overwhelming. Thank you to each and every person who has prayed for us, expressed a tender smile, shed a tear, and just been there with us and for us. Some of you, we may never meet or even know you are out there following our journey, but we thank you for your support and most of all, prayers.
We're not going to tell you that everything is just fine and that we don't have a care in the world. It is amazing the roller coaster of emotions that we experience daily. Even down to little Ashton, he doesn't understand why his sibling is still in Ukraine. On more than one occasion, he has asked me, "God with sissy?" Sometimes it's easy to overlook that Ashton longs for his sibling just as much as we do. He may only be three, but we have tried to prepare him for our extended stay in Ukraine and how God has a sibling just for him. Just this weekend, he asked if Santa was going to come see Julianna and who was going to love her because she doesn’t have a Mommy.
At daycare, Mrs. Cindy prepared a placard for each family with a stocking for each family member. She placed three stockings on ours and labeled each one. Ashton was quick to point-out that the empty place was for sissy’s stocking. Mrs. Cindy included the extra stocking so that when the time comes, our family plaque will be complete. The empty spot where Julianna’s stocking is supposed to hang very much resembles how we feel right now. It’s like there is an empty spot in our hearts. We all love our new child and feel very sad that she is in an orphanage without a family to love her. In our minds, we know that God has His own timing and that it is perfect, however our hearts are aching.
We’re filling our days with Ashton and making memories. So often, we taken children for granted. It is so frustrating when we see people having children and not caring about them. We think, why can that person have children and we can’t? As a mother, I cannot imagine not loving or caring for your child. Just this morning, while Ashton was sleeping, I held him in my arms, kissed his little head, and thanked God for the wonderful blessing that He gave us in Ashton. I want him to grow-up knowing that he is unconditionally loved. I long to show our new child that same love that Ashton and many of us so often take for granted.
I know that we aren’t supposed to question God or be selfish in our prayers, however it’s easy to get wrapped-up in wanting answers as to why didn’t things work out the first time appointment, how are we going to leave Ashton again, will we receive a good referral, etc. We’re trying to focus on the present and leave all our anxiety and questions at the foot of the cross, however it is a constant struggle because we want to be able to fix everything right now and have immediate answers. Right now, our hearts are breaking and we are longing for another child to share our lives and love with. Comfort comes only through reading God’s Word.
“I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. “
Psalm 121: 1-4
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