We were supposed to fly home with our child today :(

Today has been a difficult day for us. After Jason left to go to work, Ashton woke-up and climbed into bed with me. I thought he was going back to sleep, however his little brain was in overdrive. He said, "Mommy, when are you going to get sissy?" Neither Jason nor I even mentioned last night that if the adoption had gone smoothly, we would be arriving back in the US tonight. I guess in Ashton's heart, he is longing for his sibling just like us. Maybe this seems extreme to some people, but we have prayed so hard for this little child, love him or her so deeply, and have experienced such a roller coaster ride, that not to be able to express our love to the newest member of our family hurts more than words can express. When God calls you to adopt, He places a love and desire in your heart that is not understood by most who have not also felt that calling. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I couldn't love a child who was not my own?" I think as parents, when you have your own child, it is hard to imagine a more powerful love than that which you have for your natural child - from the very time of his or her known existence in the womb. In order to love a child not from your womb just as much as a biological, that love comes from God and is just as strong and deep as that of a natural child. If you have children, just imagine what it would feel like if your child was across the world and you were completely separated from him or her - wouldn't you long to be united together?

I can't help but think about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what she must have felt all those centuries ago. She loved the child growing within her yet she must have been scared, excited, and overwhelmed all at once - emotions that we too are experiencing over the child that God is going to bless us with. God held her hand through it all and provided her with comfort. How her heart must have longed to hold the Holy child growing within her womb and then the day came when she wept as she held the lifeless body that had been tortured for no sins that He had commited. I am in no way trying to compare our child to Christ, but I can't help but to compare the emotions about looking upon our child's face for the first time.

Before starting our day, Ashton and I talked about when we would leave again to go back to Ukraine. He said that he wasn't going to cry and that he wants to be at the airport when "sissy comes to 'Merica". He also wants his cousins there, so he called them each by name. Right before we got up, he said, "I love my sissy, Mommy." Needless to say, my eyes were far from dry!