This past week has been less than enjoyable - I (Erica)have been sick with either a wretched stomach virus or a parasite. After being sick since Thursday of last week, I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning and registered a blood pressure of 84/58...it's a wonder I didn't pass out in the lobby. After lots of blood work and IV with fluids, I'm back to work today for the first full day since last Thursday. The doctor still has to call me back with the blood work results to determine whether or not it was an actual parasite, but I can tell you that there is a certain restaurant in town that I will not eat another salad at again (this is where the doctor thinks I may have picked-up the parasite)! I still don't feel so great but no work means no money when you're self-employed!
Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, my thoughts kept traveling across the skies and back to Ukraine. For some of you who are following other adoption blogs, you may have read about the family who was amazingly granted 3 appointments and still returned home without completing their adoption. This is scary for those of us who are sitting at home waiting to travel - whether it be for a 1st appointment or a 2nd. We received a letter from Ukraine last week that stated that as of October of 2007, families would only be allowed 2 appointments and that there were no relatively healthy children available under the age of 6...very distressing, to say the least. I can't help but wonder why that family had received 3 appointments and still returned childless. My heart goes out to them greatly. I know firsthand what it is like to return home without a child, however at least we still have a chance to find our child but they do not. It's so mind-boggling as to why some people seem to have great appointments and then others have such horrible experiences. I know we're not supposed to question God, but sometimes we do - at least I find myself asking "why".
Before Jason and I began dating, we had both reached a point in our lives that we were content with living life as just Jason/Erica and God. It was at that point, that God chose for our paths to cross and love to blossom. Maybe that's what my family needs right now, to just be content with it being God, Jason, Erica, and Ashton. God has blessed our family tremendously, and at times during this rather complicated adoption journey, it has been easy to get so consumed by wanting another child that maybe God is trying to get us (or at least me) to stop and realize what a wonderful child that we have already been blessed with. Don't get me wrong, I love Ashton with all my heart and so does Jason, but sometimes it's easy to take one another for granted. This morning, Ashton woke-up early and crawled into our bed while Jason got ready for work, and as I was holding him and feeling the beat of his heart within his chest, I stopped and thanked God for the wonderful son that He has already given me. I can tell you this, after having been separated from Ashton for 12 days while we were in Ukraine last November, leaving him here will be even harder next time because we already know how horrible it is to be apart.
Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, my thoughts kept traveling across the skies and back to Ukraine. For some of you who are following other adoption blogs, you may have read about the family who was amazingly granted 3 appointments and still returned home without completing their adoption. This is scary for those of us who are sitting at home waiting to travel - whether it be for a 1st appointment or a 2nd. We received a letter from Ukraine last week that stated that as of October of 2007, families would only be allowed 2 appointments and that there were no relatively healthy children available under the age of 6...very distressing, to say the least. I can't help but wonder why that family had received 3 appointments and still returned childless. My heart goes out to them greatly. I know firsthand what it is like to return home without a child, however at least we still have a chance to find our child but they do not. It's so mind-boggling as to why some people seem to have great appointments and then others have such horrible experiences. I know we're not supposed to question God, but sometimes we do - at least I find myself asking "why".
Before Jason and I began dating, we had both reached a point in our lives that we were content with living life as just Jason/Erica and God. It was at that point, that God chose for our paths to cross and love to blossom. Maybe that's what my family needs right now, to just be content with it being God, Jason, Erica, and Ashton. God has blessed our family tremendously, and at times during this rather complicated adoption journey, it has been easy to get so consumed by wanting another child that maybe God is trying to get us (or at least me) to stop and realize what a wonderful child that we have already been blessed with. Don't get me wrong, I love Ashton with all my heart and so does Jason, but sometimes it's easy to take one another for granted. This morning, Ashton woke-up early and crawled into our bed while Jason got ready for work, and as I was holding him and feeling the beat of his heart within his chest, I stopped and thanked God for the wonderful son that He has already given me. I can tell you this, after having been separated from Ashton for 12 days while we were in Ukraine last November, leaving him here will be even harder next time because we already know how horrible it is to be apart.
Another week has come and gone and still no word from Ukraine, but I can honestly say that that's okay. One day, we will receive a call that God is ready for us to return to Ukraine. Until that day comes, I am going to try to focus more on growing as a family and moving-on with daily living. Jason asked me earlier in the week to please not tell him any more about families receiving referrals because it only causes him anguish because we are still at home waiting. For me, I find reading about the journey of other families as a type of support group. I guess we all cope with situations differently. For right now, we are trying to learn to be content where we're at in life and know that God is in control of our lives - especially the adoption.
"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6
3 comments:
I am praying for your clarity and peace. I can understand (some) of what you are going through. God blesses our journeys- not just our trips!!!
Unless the LORD builds a home, the work of the builder is useless.
Psalm 127:1
Melinda
Al
Wow, you have so much spiritual insight. Your post made me cry. We were given a perfectly healthy young girl as our first referral & I also ask "Why?" Why did we luck out and only have to travel once? Why aren't other families blessed in this way? But I know, as you do, that God is in charge, and his ways are correct... If you trust in Him, then He will direct your paths. You have so much faith & I know that you and your family will be blessed because of it!!
Erica and Jason,
It is so reasonable that you are questioning "why?" and yet I appreciate the perspective you have on trusting God.
Prior to our successful Ukraine adoption, we experienced 3 failed referrals in Russia. After 18 months trying to adopt from Russia, I remember in Dec 06 thinking I couldn't go through this much longer. We shut the door on Russia and on 1/22/07 we contacted the stateside facilitator that ended up helping us adopt from Ukraine. We thought we'd be in Ukraine for sure by the summer of 2007 but our dossier did not get submitted until early September. Then we got our appt date of 1/23/08.... One year after the door to Ukraine opened for us.
As you may recall from our blog, we were mistakenly given a referral at our first appointment that had been accepted by another family the day before. We were blessed to get into the SDA the next day and that's when we were presented with Leeza's file. Because we now have her background info, we can see when she went onto the adoption registry and was available for international adoption for the first time, the day after our original appointment. I share all this only for the purpose of pointing out how clearly God's plan for us to find Leeza and His timing were perfect.
Throughout our journey, I asked "why" many times but then changed that to "Your will" for I wanted my mindset to be whatever God's will was for us. Your faith is evident, so I know you're aware of how much God loves you and wants the best for you, so I encourage you to continue to seek Him and His will for your lives.
I also love that you are taking time to recognize the incredible blessing you have in Ashton. It is so easy to get caught up in the paper work and emotions of adoption and take our existing children for granted. From all you have written about Ashton, he sounds like an wonderful little boy!
Your family continues to be in my prayers!
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