Before we left for Ukraine at the end of last year, I would often try to imagine what our homecoming would be like. The odd thing is, in my mind's eye, I never could quite make it out of the terminal walkway and therefore found myself very frustrated. After our heart-wrenching experiences in Ukraine, it's been quite a while since I have even allowed myself to start thinking about our homecoming with our new child. Now, I don't seem to have those frustrations of not being able to imagine, and the excitement of adoption is returning - praise God! I don't really know what has changed - maybe it's my level of faith or maybe it's that our time is almost here and God is allowing me some insight on how wonderful that event will be. Whatever the reason, I know that my hope and excitement is returning and is much stronger than ever before.
In my mind's eye, my thoughts begin with our little girl waving goodbye to her homeland with tears running down all of our cheeks as we prepare to board the plane and head back to the good ole' USA. I have to laugh when my mind's eye takes me to the restroom on the plane - just how am I going to fit in those very tight quarters with a squirming baby or toddler? If I need to change diapers or pull-ups, how in the world am I going to manage that? I keep trying to figure-out that scenario, but so far I've not quite determined just how we are going to both be clean upon our exit - especially if we hit turbulence! When we left Kyiv to return home last November, I went to the restroom immediately upon our boarding, so I was the first person and it was then that I discovered that Delta does NOT make sure that the facilities are remotely cleaned before departing on a 10 hour flight!
When we reach Nashville, I imagine my carrying a little girl who is quite inquisitive yet very sleepy from such a long journey. Tears spring to my eyes as I focus on our family and friends who are anxiously waiting at the end of the long, rather poorly lit terminal. We see the signs and all the people, however our eyes are searching for the little boy who holds our hearts in his chubby little hand. Oh how we have anticipated the moment when Ashton meets his sissy for the very first time! At first, he acts very timid, then his curiosity is aroused as we state, "Ashton, this is your sissy." I can't wait to witness their first embrace as brother and sister and ours as a family of four!
As clearly as can be, I can imagine my niece, Hannah, as she approaches us and bends down to meet her newest cousin. She's only three but is full of compassion and love. By this time, Jason is holding our child and bending down so that the children can all see her. Hannah leans down with her little bottom sticking-out so that she can precariously place a kiss on her new cousin's cheek and place her chubby little arms around her neck. She giggles and says, "Hi. I love you."
Tyler, who will be 8 tomorrow, is very timid, yet has a grin on his face as he very quietly says "Hi" and throws-up his hand. His little brother, Trent, who is four just stands back and watches the scene. Trent is the type who stands back and observes before taking any action.
Oh, and Hailey, who will be almost 2, is trying to wiggle out of Denise's arms in order to explore the airport. When she realizes that there's another small person around, she comes to investigate and then reaches out to touch her new cousin's face.
My parents, grandmother, sister, and in-laws have tears streaming down their faces. Everyone wants a look at our child, however care is taken not to overwhelm her with hugs and passing around. People around us are staring but find their eyes filled with tears as well because love and thanksgiving is permeating the air around us. The next image takes my breath away because as a family, we bow our heads and thank God for a safe journey, and most of all, for answering prayers and bringing us all together as a family.
All this may sound so bizarre to you, but I'm a visual person so it is huge for me to be able to visualize this scene. When we left Ukraine last November, we left with a mixture of emotions from hurt to anger. There have been points when we have actually dreaded returning to Ukraine, however God has helped us move past these feelings and has brought us to the point in which we recognize that He has a plan and that we need to be humbled and to trust Him. By my being able to visualize our return home, in my heart I know that God is helping me to look forward to the future and to release the emotions wrapped-up from our first trip and preparing me for an awesome journey as a family of four.
"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:6
3 comments:
Erica,
I don't think it's weird that you're visualizing all this. They often say you need to pray very specifically and I think that your visual image will only help God understand your heart and your prayers for this homecoming.
I hope you hear good news soon and will continue to keep your family in my prayers.
What a beautiful post. I am so glad to hear that you can visualize it now! It does make me a little nervous for my upcoming journey, though, because I am having the hardest time visualizing it too!! I just can't picture how it is going to be over there (like there is a wall in my mind blocking it all), but I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing, so we will just trust in God because he has a plan for us. Good luck with your return trip - I hope you find out your travel date soon!
You have me crying! We are heading to Ukraine in March, and I haven't really thought that much about the homecoming yet, but I will now. That was beautiful, and written only the way a mother could write it. I hope your homecoming comes quickly and that it surpasses your expecations!
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