Two Weeks To Go

This has been a rather trying weekend for our family. This was our last "free" weekend before we leave for Ukraine! We had a rather long list of stores to visit and "stuff" to buy. Jason was supposed to move plants from our house to his mother's basement but the weather didn't cooperate, so he'll have to work that activity into his rather packed schedule. The plan was for Ashton to stay with his PaPa Tudor, however he wouldn't let us out of his sight - he knows something big is about to happen.

I started the day with tears because it hit me that in two weeks, we will be away from Ashton. I know that it is our choice not to take him with us, however we have sincerely prayed about this decision and feel that is the best choice to make...that doesn't mean it's easy. Because of his young age, he may not be allowed into court and there is a chance that the orphanage will not allow him to visit on the premises. If he can't be with us at all times, then who will watch him? I certainly am not leaving my child with a stranger! Our hearts are breaking because we know that it will be awful to be apart. When we arrived at my parents' house on Saturday morning, Jason warned them that I was hormonal - thanks.

Although we will be gone for six weeks, we have to pack very lightly. We can only take enough clothes for 5 days! YIKES!! I had to repeatedly remind my mother and sister of this fact as we shopped this weekend because they have the idea that I need to layer - that means more clothes to pack and no can do.

For those of you who know me well, I'm a list person and everything must be organized. I'm doing my best not to forget something but I just have this sinking fear that I will! Have you ever tried to buy diapers and pull-ups for a child you don't know?! I struggled with what to buy and did the best I could. We were told that our child may be potty trained but will need pull-ups for the ride home. The problem is, pull-ups cannot be bought in Ukraine, so we have to guess at sizes - so very frustrating but fun at the same time.

On Sunday, the tears started again at the end of Sunday School and wouldn't stop until the close of the service. It was like someone turned on the water, and I couldn't turn it back off. Bro. Ken was preaching about fears and phobias - certainly nothing to cry about. There were visitors behind me, so they probably thought that I had lost my mind. I literally could not stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks...it was awful. My maternal hormones are out-the-roof right now!

When we were in small groups in Sunday School, Jason made the comment that we are at peace with the adoption but we're wrecks about leaving Ashton. I hadn't quite thought about it like that before but he's right. For the first time, I stopped long enough to realize that I do have peace that God has our child picked-out. We're not even worried about the flight overseas. Looking back, God's hand is evident throughout the journey. Don't we serve an awesome God!